Food Network

One night we're watching Comedy Central and there's a comic on and he's talking about dieting. And he mentions that when you're on a diet Food Network is like PORN. At the time, I laughed. Ha ha - so true, right?

Okay, you don't know how fucking true it is until you're averaging around 700 calories per day. PER DAY people. And no, I don't want to hear about how "that isn't enough to eat" and blah blah blah. My body and I have been frienemies for many years and I know what I need to kick my own fat ass out the proverbial door.

I love Food Network. I mean, I have always loved it because I love to cook and I love food but now it is seriously out of control. When Giada makes yummy eggplant parmesan with crusty garlic bread - I am totally glued to the screen. When Rachel Ray makes mac and cheese - I die inside with craving. My family is getting sick of Food Network being on all the time. They ask me things like "Why do you torture yourself like this?" or "You don't even cook" or "This is so boring" and so on.

Friends. I torture myself because I'm dieting so I'm always torturing myself. I don't cook because cooking veggies sucks ass. Food Network is not boring - it is keeping me from going insane. I'm logging away all the recipes and tricks so that when I'm finally off my stupid diet I can enjoy life like a regular person. I will cook. I will eat delicious food. End of story.