Habit Journal Entry #3

So bag going to the gym in the afternoon. I thought it would help to lose the excuse of being "too tired" to go but instead I find it makes my experience horrible. Here are my grievances:

1. It's too crowded
2. Waaaaay too many bros
3. I can't do my workout in the order I want because equipment is occupied
4. Sweaty people
5. Tired, even though it's the middle of the day!
6. Hungry -- but can't eat because I don't like to workout with food in my tummy
7. Unnecessary distractions: I literally watched a man with tiny tiny legs, like ANT legs, do bicep curls for 20 minutes. His upper body was enormous! He looked physically deformed ... except he did it to himself. 
8. I like to be completely selfish at the gym. Focus completely on myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not feel bad/weird/vain. 
9. I don't want to feel self conscious about how weak I am or how old and gross my workout clothes are. 
10. The girls that go to the gym in makeup and perfume -- because I hate them and seeing/smelling them makes me completely irate, and that's energy I could be using on an effective workout.

I just don't need these kinds of distractions while I'm at the gym. 

Hence why I am returning to the 4AM gym time.
The quiet gym time.
The private gym.
The not-hungry-yet-because-it's-too-early-to-be-hungry time.
You wake up and go to the gym and it's like a dream, like it never happened.
Nothing ever distracts you because nothing is going on at four in the morning.

Habit Journal Entry #2

Success! I went to the gym twice. I packed up my clothes in the morning and then before I left the building, I was dressed and ready to work out. I even had a successful workout after a trip to Target. (True commitment, friends. You know how much I love Target and how easy it is for me to spend hours and hours there.) Twice is nice, but for the upcoming week I really need to hit five times. Especially when you take into account my weak ass status. Gotta ramp up. The weekend actually was much harder to tackle. I didn't go at all over the looong holiday weekend. Not one time. No bueno.

Where I am struggling the most is the whole not-sitting-more-than-twenty-minutes-at-home thing. This is SUPER difficult. I've decided that I must must must set an alarm. Otherwise, I just veg out, mind and body, and lose all sense of time and ambition. We have so much quality (and not so quality) television to catch up on. The summer season is full steam ahead, regardless of school or our vacation to Vegas. We've got four episodes of Mad Men, a two hour Hell's Kitchen, SYTYCD, and -- cream of the crop -- Game of Thrones. All this TV means I have (HAVE) to sit. So I'm going to try the alarm thing this week and see how it goes.

Wish me luck.

My next report should have lots of successes. Fingers crossed.

Habit Journal Entry #1

For my business turnarounds class we have to write weekly habit journal entries, evaluating our process and success or failure to either establish or change a habit. I chose to establish the habit of increasing my everyday level of physical activity. In other words, less sitting on my ass.

I prepared a hilarious journal write up only to re-read the assignment and discover that it had to be 200 words or less. Therefore, I have decided to compose two journal entries: a short and sweet one for class and a more detailed, super funny and awesome one here.

So please, enjoy my journey to establishing a new habit. Expect at least a weekly update ... because that is what the assignment is.

***

Habit to establish: increase physical activity. This will be accomplished in three ways.

                1. Go to the gym more often
                2. Walk more at work

                3. Sit less at home

Attempts during the week: one. I attempted to go to the gym on Sunday but was distracted by helping my father-in-law buy a television at Costco.

The opportunity to change or establish a new habit is coming at a fortuitous time. I am rapidly approaching the end of my graduate schooling and am ready to focus on other aspects of my life. I recently turned thirty and it propelled me into a fit of feelings of inadequacy and oldness.

Thirty is not old.

However, I have been feeling the need to make changes to my everyday lifestyle – not a temporary change – but a permanent, lasting adjustment to my habits; hence why this assignment is coming at an opportune time.

There are several obstacles standing in my way to increase my level of physical activity. I am busy so I will delay/postpone inevitably gym time. I love television. I love to read. By nature, I am a home body. Outings are usually things like going to a restaurant or going to a movie. In other words, I tend to be inactive for many hours of the day. That said, last year I modified my desk at work so I stand the entire work week. Bonus for me. (Sitting is a serious killer – I presented on the dangers of sitting last year so ask me if you want to know more about how you’re hacking years off your life every day at work.)

I want to establish cues to trigger the new behavior of being more active. For instance, I believe it will be easiest for me to go to the gym on the way home from work. This way I’m not distracted by anything else; the gym is simply an extension of my workday. Another cue I will work on is the twenty-minute rule. At home, I must not sit longer than twenty minutes without getting up and doing some jumping jacks. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but it actually is really supposed to help.

If I can begin to enact this new behavior I can gain the benefits of increased energy and overall better health. As physical exercise and well-being contribute to long life, I look forward to knowing that I will not die at thirty-one and will hopefully still be able to do the splits (both sides) when I’m eighty-seven.

So why did I only attempt to add all this great activity to my life ONCE this week? The undesired behavior was positively reinforced by several things.

1. Game of Thrones is an hour long show without any commercial breaks. It would absolutely disrupt the “mood” of the program if I were to get up twice to perform jumping jacks.
2.  School started and I am forced to sit in the classroom until the teacher designates a break – which is most definitely NOT every twenty minutes. I am being lazy and sitting around like my fellow classmates because it’s much easier and less disruptive. Plus, I’m tired from standing at work all day so the chair feels nice and cozy.
3.  I had to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mother on Saturday which meant I had a reason not to go to the gym. The positive reinforcement was breadsticks and the playing of Phase 10.
4.  I did not take my gym clothes with me to work because it is much more enjoyable to shop or read or play Candy Crush at home and unwind from work.
5. I did not walk more at work because it rained and I was rewarded by staying dry and inside. Or, it was sunny and I was rewarded by staying inside away from harmful UV rays.

As you can see, I have several ways my low activity level is being reinforced – strongest of all: habit. Sitting around is old hat to me and, needless to say, very comfortable.

But.

This is a chance to make the change I want. I must establish the cues to trigger more physical activity. So, to sum up: take gym clothes with me to work and go there straight away, don’t sit at home for longer than twenty minutes without jumping jacks, and walk more at work.

***

Wasn't that way better than 200 words or less? I mean, how can you know what's really going on, to what extent my laziness really went, if I don't describe it for you in detail? 

Accomplished by Six AM

• 25 minutes of cardio
• biceps and triceps worked out
• made my lunch
• and the hubs' lunch
• made coffee
• showered
• dressed and out the door on time

Prepping for the Big Three-Oh

So. In just six short months, I will be (shhh) thirty. And I've been telling my husband and everyone: "OH! Thirty is SO YOUNG!" and "Age is nothing!" and telling myself that thirty won't effect me because I still look young (staying out of the sun and Asian genes have helped) and I'm healthy (thanks to vegetarianism) and I'm in a great place in my life (so happy, tra la la). I will have my MBA next year. My husband is still my best friend. I have a great job. I have awesome friends and family.

Whatthefuckever.

I can feel, deep in my gut, the ticklings of panic.

I

will

be

30

And now I'm telling myself that by thirty I should have done so much more with my life. I should already be published. I should already be making six figures. I should own a home. I should have a super fit fantastic body.

Obviously it's goal setting time. Here are four things I want to accomplish next year, not necessarily by the time I hit thirty, but before I'm thirty-one (i.e., absolutely ancient <--- I'm totally kidding. I think).

Goal 1:
Get a new job. I enjoy the job I have now. I love my coworkers and I feel valued in my workplace as someone who is reliable and competent. But I've been there since 2002 and it's time to move on. It's time to expand my knowledge and hopefully my paycheck.

Goal 2:
Get a new body. I enjoy the body I have now. It is cute and fun and gets me from A to B. But now, I need to have a rocking body because, let's face it, it may now begin the period of loosening and sagging that comes with my age. I don't want to have a young looking face and a crap body. So this means I've got to commit to controlling my portions and working out. A lot. I can do it.

Goal 3:
Get published. I always talk about blah-blah-be-a-writer and blah-blah-be-famous and guess what? That shit ain't gonna happen unless I a) write and b) submit it for publication. I'm not saying I want to have a fucking NOVEL done by next year, but I do need to heft up my portfolio and COMMIT to writing. Less TV, more reading and writing.

Goal 4:
Save more money. I don't want to buy a house necessarily but I do want to have gobs and gobs of money in savings that I can take lavish vacations, feel safe, and whenever I feel like it, buy a house.

Like all control freak, OCD, type A personalities, setting goals and making lists makes me feel as though I have a handle on my fate. I can make anything happen if I just work hard enough. And if there is one thing I know in life, it's how to work hard for things that I want.

Wind Sprints

Do this.
You'll love it.

Walk for two minutes.
Jog for a minute and a half.
Sprint for thirty seconds.
Repeat until you want to die.



Image



And when I say sprint I mean RUN RUN RUN as fast as you can.



 Wind sprints are way more entertaining than running at a consistent pace for an hour and the sprint at the end of the cycle makes you feel young and fit -- well, until you're gasping for air and walking off the cramp in your side. My 'walk' speed is 3.0 MPH, 5.0 MPH for the jog, and 7.0 for the sprint. But next time I think I'll push my sprint up to 7.5 MPH until I start to get tired. As I near the end of my session, it takes a LOT of energy to keep my legs moving at that pace and keep from falling flat on my ass. Treadmill burn is not comfortable. Wind sprints have been a welcome addition to my cardio training: a day of stairs, a day of climber, and now wind sprints!

Do Over

Time to start again.
Time to restate goals.
Time to kick my own ass.

My ten year high school reunion is coming up at the end of June. I had set goals at the beginning of the year, but I've been being lazy and negligent, full of excuses:

• I'm too sore to go to the gym
• I should just hurry and eat the rest of this so it doesn't go to waste
• I'm going to eat perfect tomorrow
• Okay, that was the last cheat day
• I'm too tired to go to the gym
• It's a special occasion
• I haven't eaten all day
• There's nothing else to eat
• I'm on vacation
• It's snowing

Stupid girl. Now I really have to dig in. I have to go "biggest loser" and apply myself fully to exercising and eating right. I can do it. I know that I can. For years I keep saying, this is the year. Well, god damnit. This IS the fucking year. I'm tired of just looking passable, I want to look fantastic. Soon, my face will start to look old and my chubbiness will start to sag. Best to get a hot bod to detract from my aging face.

If anyone else wants to join in my pain, feel free. You'll hate your life for a while, but I'm hoping the pay off is worth it in the end. And when I say "end" I mean the rest of my life.

Taking Off

Jumping for joy,

Meeting spring with

Healthy eating,

Happy living,

Hearty loveing.

... And extra verbs.

The Youth List

Things I will do today to keep me young for tomorrow:

1. Sleep on my back
2. Moisturize
3. Drink half my weight in ounces of water
4. Hug my puppy
5. Love my husband
6. Eat an apple
7. Read a good book
8. Gab and cackle with my friends
9. Organize my time
10. Forgive my shortcomings
11. Drive fast with the radio loud
12. Wear sunglasses
13. Laugh heartily at anything I find funny
14. Take a nap and then go to the gym
15. Sing show tunes
16. Brush and floss my teeth
17. Daydream

Summer Goals

My ballet friend Catherine and I have made some specific short-term goals for the summer session of ballet. We have both recently returned from a ten year long break and are now attempting to be ballerinas again. We are frustrated with the limitations of our "older" bodies and are working towards our ballerina bodes. It was especially motivating when we saw fellow "old" dancer (who has four children, by the way) with an absolutely beautiful body; thin, supple, muscular, and graceful.

So. Jealous.
So I'm setting goals. Goals that I WILL achieve by the end of summer session. It's time to get serious.

Goal 1  Both splits, left and right, flat. That means tushy on the floor.
Goal 2  Lose 15 pounds. Period.
Goal 3  Cardio and resistance training two times a week. Ballet is four times a week, two hour classes, so I'm going to do cardio and upper body workouts two other days. I can do it. My aim for weightlifting is toned arms, a ripply chest, and muscular back -- all of which look stunning when you dance. The cardio should help trim up my legs and hopefully aid in the weightloss.

I need to buy a scale. After the pee incident, read more here, I had to throw out the old one ... so it's in with the new. (I haven't weighed myself for a few weeks which feels very strange; not knowing one's weight.) But anyway, get the scale, start weighing myself, and start losing. The hardest goal is #2. That will be my main focus. You know, I think that this return to ballet has brought up a lot of body issues ... but oddly enough, I don't hate my body for not being perfect. Rather, I'm proud of it for all its accomplisments, and further still, its potential.

For Miles and Miles

To help me get back to the gym, because I need help in that area, I am doing this running thing with my friend at work. I invite all of you to play along.

What you need:

• A treadmill/elliptical that shows distance or a pedometer, if you prefer to run outside
• Running shoes
• Clothing (although I guess this could be optional)
• Time to run

What you do:

• Week 1 you run 10 miles -- you can break up the miles between elliptical or treadmill, and spread the 10 miles throughout the week; i.e. you don't have to do all miles in one sitting.
• Each additional week you add on one mile, working up to 32 miles per week, eventually
• For every mile you don't do, you pay $1.

I'm only up to 12 miles. Please don't let me die. I love to run, but I don't think I like death.

Rebellion

That is it.

I am officially done (for this week, at least) with going to the gym. I feel like being lazy and lazing about the bedroom. We're leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday and I just don't feel like working out. When we get home, I'll do better. I'll go every morning and eat right and shape up. But for the rest of this week, exercise is persona non grata. Don't worry -- I'm not giving up -- but weeks and weeks of working out as well as weeks and weeks of a stagnant scale piss me off. So before I hate myself completely, it's time for some r and r.

Fluff

Here is something I hate:

I'm at the gym and I'm in trekking class. I'm in front of the fan because I get so overheated that I will get sick and pass out if I don't have circulating air on my face. I am running, no, sprinting. And I am sort of gasping for air. Slowly, my breathing catches a hint of stink. The hint eventually turns into a decisive point -- and where is it pointing? To the guy next to me who has apparently passed gas while running full speed.

This is disgusting on several levels. First of all; I am running. I am breathing deeply and each breath feels like it might be my last. Do I want my last breath to reek of ass? Second of all; his farts were super stinky ... like a dead animal. I'm thinking, what is this man eating? He smells like he's about to rot. Thirdly; where is the common courtesy? The treadmills at my gym are upstairs and fans are kind of scarce and the air is hot and muggy. Can he not just a) hold them in or b) at least jog away to expel his disgusting puff?

I admit, I was pretty rude after the first fart was followed by many and I realized that apparently his jogging was compressing his bowels and that he would be releasing gas the entire HOUR LONG class. I started putting my hand up to my face under my nose. I would take my towel and whip the air in front of my face. I would roll my eyes and make a slightly (but really more than slightly) disgusted noise. I would turn my head away in a most determined fashion. I hope he got the hint. The hint being: if you are farting, it's time we were parting. And hopefully he was appropriately embarrassed and will think twice about his treadmill etiquette.

Resolved

Resolutions for 2009 -- in no particular order.

1. weigh 105 pounds
2. finish writing a novel of fiction
3. start writing a novel of non-fiction
4. write a book of poems
5. write every day
6. read every day
7. run a marathon
8. work on my correspondence
9. travel
10. finish projects from 2008
11. organize the mail
12. take ballet classes

Wish me luck.

New Obsession

I am absolutely addicted to the Trekking class at my gym. It's crazy - and it kicks my ass hard - but it is fantastic. I'm head over heels in love. Nothing makes you feel as good as running. Running uphill, running as fast as you can, sprinting across the imaginary finish line.

The class lasts for an hour and at the end I am exhausted but surprisingly revitalized. I've got a great natural high. And now my heart is getting super strong and healthily hearty. I've been going twice a week for more than a month now; soon my heart will be able to beat the shit out of all other hearts. Wow. Don't you wish your heart was just as strong?

I sometimes dream that I can run for miles and miles - not at a jog, but at full speed. Running free through fields and mountains, not bogged down by weight or breath.

"Wouldn't it be nice

If I could melt myself like ice

Or outrun my skin

And just be pure wind?"

The Toilet Seat

Went to yoga yesterday and apparently something we did made my hamstrings super sore. Now, not only do sore hamstrings make walking/running/sitting/moving in general pretty slow and painful, but the toilet seat is a killer.

Toilet seats are shaped in such a way that the hamstring is gooshed out all over. If the seats were normal chairs you would feel a little discomfort, sure. But the slight oval and the height of the chair makes it so you come crashing down on the most painful part of your body.

And I drink A LOT of water so I hate the toilet seat today.

Trekking

God damn. Jen (my sister-in-law) and I have decided to start going to this crazy ass running class at our gym. It is very cardio intense and goes something like this:

• brisk walk for 5 minutes
• up the incline and up the speed
• continue upping the speed and incline
• then, drop the incline and start running
• run for a long time
• then jog uphill
• then run full speed uphill
• then run around the gym (we usually skip that part)
• now walk fast uphill
• do jumping jacks
• skip
• walk
• now die

Doesn't that sound lovely? Yeah, not so much. I really hate the class, but it does what it's supposed to - that is, kick ass - so we keep going. Twice a week. Bleh.

Like A Hefty Bag

Today is Sunday and that means it's Yoga Day. Now, I'm not saying that I'm the very very best yogi in the world, present or past - but I do fairly well for a pedestrian. We're in class working on wide leg forward folds - which look something like this:

and the instructor comes up behind me and starts correcting my position. This is fine; rather, lovely. I love being corrected in my position because that way I know I'm doing it right and it can be difficult to look at yourself in the mirror when you're upside down. But then she says: "You're flexible but you need to work on your strength."

What?

Then, after class she was giving some stretching tips to my sister-in-law and I overhear her saying: "We're not naturally flexible like her (meaning me) but we're strong."

Okay, what?

I'm not naturally flexible. I had to work at it. I remember when I was in ballet I would lay in bed in frog position and fall asleep that way so that my hips would be more turned out. In class we would sit in our splits and then have someone push on our shoulders. I have stretch marks on my inner thighs as evidence of sitting against the wall with my legs split wide open for minutes at a time. I used to stand with my back to a wall and a classmate would take a leg and push it to the wall. These exercises and stretches were extremely painful and I agonized over my lack of flexibility in comparison to the other girls. But when I commented on their natural flexibility a girl told me that it still hurts - it always hurts and is uncomfortable, she just has a different level where it becomes unbearable. Flexibility is good for the body, but it takes WORK. I'm not trying to say that I'm above improvement, because I am most definitely not, but I WORK and have worked really fucking hard to be as flexible as I am - and underneath my bendiness I am strong. I've been going to yoga for a couple of years now and I work hard in class. Yoga poses take a lot of strength to hold. Does she think that I can hold my yoga poses properly because my legs are weak? Needless to say, she pissed me off. She's lucky I love yoga so much and that she is a good enough teacher that I'm willing to overlook her hated comments.

So Strong

If you are a woman between the ages of 18 and 108, may I recommend a bone strengthening regimen of some kind?

We women have the unfortunate problem of losing bone density as we age and then compounding the problem by doing nothing to slow/prevent this bone density decrease. What exactly will happen if we don't slow the horrid process of thinning bones?

• possible hunch back (gasp!)
• broken hip
• brittle bones
• inability to jump around
• osteoporosis

Of the cases of osteoporosis in the U.S., 80% are women. Yeah, that's us. See, the tricky thing is that you can't feel your bones unless they're broken. Over the years your bones are slowly deteriorating and you aren't even aware of it - unlike other aging processes like thinning hair, thinning lips, sagging breasts, fine lines, and other gems of a long life.

So, in order to kick this problem out the door, you've got to take some action and you've got to take some calcium and vitamin D. The worse thing for your bones is a sedentary lifestyle and a lack of calcium and vitamin D in your diet. Here is a list of ways I'm going to prevent bone loss and osteoporosis:

• eat almonds (calcium)
• eat dark green leafy veggies like broccoli (calcium)
• enjoy a delicious calcium supplement like Viactiv
• eat tofu (calcium)
• drink calcium fortified orange juice
• get some sun (vitamin D)
• eat egg yolks (vitamin D)
• lift weights
• walk or jog regularly
• climb stairs
• dance

Sounds like fun! Show your bones some love by treating them right so they'll be sure to treat you right for years to come.

Yoga is Yummy

I believe that if everyone did yoga

we would have world peace

yoga makes me flexible

yoga makes me feel calm

yoga releases stress

yoga makes me strong

yoga is good for my body and mind

yoga is lovely