Hump Day

To brighten up your Wednesday: a baby tapir.

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I have loved tapirs since I was a little girl and read "Tilly the Tapir."

I have tried to find that book, all about a tapir who is so tired

(tapirs are generally nocturnal)

she doesn't manage to do anything.

But to no avail.

I think I may have the title wrong;

is it Tilly? Tully? Tabby?

The book was very old when I had it,

probably published in the 60s.

It smelled old and delicious, like paper and glue and ink.

The spine was broken.

I hope to find a copy of it for my own children.

I have plenty of time ...



Neverending Reading

I just added nine -- count 'em NINE -- new books to my reading list.

I sometimes feel like I never have enough time to read everything I want. And believe me, I'm discerning. Just because a book has received rave reviews isn't necessarily enough for me. It has to catch my mood just right. It has to draw me in with exactly what I'm itching for: wit, prose, humour, love, suspense, junk, escape. I read all genres and it's not very often that I won't finish a book, even if it's less than engaging and it's slow going from page one. I don't read or like everything I pick out for myself but I think that's part of the joy of reading, i.e., hitting some real snoozers/ickies.

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If you haven't noticed, my 'waiting on the bookshelf' list has been steadily growing despite my reading quite voraciously. This year I've already finished twenty-one books and the year is barely half over. At this rate I may read fifty books by New Year's. My intense affair with reading wasn't always so hot and bothered. I went through a period in junior high where I read nothing but required school stuff -- and even then it was lots of skimming and Cliff's notes. During high school (and thanks to my then-boyfriend/future-husband) I started reading again and after my data entry job, which entailed listening to hundreds of audiobooks to occupy my mind for hours on end (I'm still addicted to audiobooks and I always have one on my iPhone to entertain me during shopping excursions, dish washing, laundry folding, road trips, and on and on), my fling with literature became a solid romance. I received my BA in English and even though I'm getting my MBA, I have a secret (or not so secret) fantasy that I eventually get my Masters of Fine Arts, write poetry, a national bestseller, and begin an exclusive book club. My entire life would be nothing but reading and writing and discussing literature ... and maybe, just maybe then, I'd start to grow sick of reading.

So my mountain of books waiting to be read will *hopefully* always continue to grow. That way the pain of finishing a truly marvelous novel and the pain of a truly horrible book will be dulled by the neverending possibility of a truly unforgettable novel being the next one on the pile.

Boise Weekend Recap

1. Excellent driving time -- 4.25 hours -- and no speeding ticket
2. Tom read 2/3 of Harry Potter Book 2, all of 3, and 200 pages of 4
3. Mom and Dad got lost on the way to the hotel
4. Uncle Alan had the flu
5. My little brother can swim all by himself in the pool
6. But he swallowed a lot of water and got kinda sick
7. We listened to some great live music
8. We took a walk by the beautiful riverside
9. The bar gave us 3 free drinks
10. Ate breakfast at an adorable cafe called The Egg Factory
11. Met a very friendly dog who drove a taxi
12. Visited with loved ones
13. Enjoyed our mini-getaway

Three's Company

I'm always on the lookout for great reading material and happened to stumble upon Three Books; a special series by NPR listing three books tied with a common theme. It caught my eye because of this theme: Three Moms Who Make Your Mothering Seem Perfect -- in honor of Mother's Day. And the books sound like highly enjoyable reads, each mom dealing with struggles within themselves and their daughter's struggles, as well as their own personal demons. Plus, if your mom is a reader, this set of three may make a wonderful gift. What a nice way to tell your mom you love her; give her these books and say, "You were the better mother."

In addition to these three, I'll for sure be checking out the Gutsy Heroines triple play and the Racy Reads menage a trois.

The Liars' Club

I finished "The Liars' Club" and I think it threw me into a legitimate funk. It's rare that I read a book that depresses me so. Usually if a book sounds really depressing, I'm not interested (I dislike over the top drama) and I either never pick up the book or I start but never finish. I know that drama is an imitation of what we find happening in life, but when the imitations feel start to feel like just that, I find myself turning away. And maybe all the difference in the world was that it was labeled “a memoir” which lent it honesty, where in actuality it could be just as full of exaggerations or embellishments as other books labeled “fiction.”

But Liars' Club had something going on.

Mary Marlene Karr's (what a perfect Texas name) childhood was littered with horrific sadness and moments that made me laugh out loud or keep me chuckling to myself until the next day. I think those moments, as well as the delightful terror that was Mary Marlene -- or Pokey -- as her father called her, were what kept me reading and reading and then finishing in tears. Her mother was fatally flawed, her father was loving but limited, her sister was capable (with a capital C), and Mary Marlene seemed to me a tumbleweed tossed between the three members of her family. Perhaps that comes from being the baby; I wouldn’t know. And there is something of that tumultuousness in her telling of her childhood. She meanders through her time with Daddy at the Liars’ Club, listening intently, decorating crackers with cheez whiz. She tiptoes around her frightening grandmother and her mother’s alcoholic lapses. She dawdles about her childhood adventures; telling kids to “kiss her rosy red ass” and shooting a boy with a BB gun from a tree. She lives an absolutely charmed life (a pony of her very own, named “Big Enough”) and simultaneously tragic life (when her babysitter forces her to give him a blowjob).

Needless to say, I’ve found myself feeling out of sorts. And I know it’s because of her book, her story. I’m not sure if I actually loved it, or if I even recommend it. But it’s not very often that a book reaches out and yells such a quiet story at you. So quiet and peaceful, that it leaves you shaking. It will pass -- it always does. But the truth is (forgive my sentimentalities here), a part of me enjoys feeling touched, feeling changed, by what I’ve read. This is why literature moves the world. This is why people should write and people should read -- to instill change, progression, evolution, to never be stagnant -- rather, in a beautiful, constant state of flux.

The Youth List

Things I will do today to keep me young for tomorrow:

1. Sleep on my back
2. Moisturize
3. Drink half my weight in ounces of water
4. Hug my puppy
5. Love my husband
6. Eat an apple
7. Read a good book
8. Gab and cackle with my friends
9. Organize my time
10. Forgive my shortcomings
11. Drive fast with the radio loud
12. Wear sunglasses
13. Laugh heartily at anything I find funny
14. Take a nap and then go to the gym
15. Sing show tunes
16. Brush and floss my teeth
17. Daydream

The Weight of Water

Beautiful, breathtaking.

Deep in love.

There are no words.

A Definition

Last night I finished Her Fearful Symmetry. There was something about this book I couldn't quite put my finger on. Something made it spectacular and difficult to put down, despite being sort of boring. I've decided it must have been an unknown quality to the writing, something addicting. Near the end of the book I found the following quote and it struck me. It was so truthful, so honest.

"'Being in love is ... anxious,' he said. 'Wanting to please, worrying that she will see me as I really am. But wanting to be known. That is ... you're naked, moaning in the dark, no dignity at all ... I wanted her to see me and to love me even though she knew everything I am, and I knew her.'"

Holds and Holding

I feel like reading for an entire weekend. I feel like I should take a long flight just for some good book time. I placed too many books on hold at the library -- no one can read six novels in three weeks and work. Even though I know I will inevitably have to return the book and then check it out again, I don't mind. I cannot wait for them to arrive. Some haven't even been published but they sound fascinating. I have a memoir, a historical fiction, a British mystery, a story about a mental institution, stories about the south, and more.

There is something about the weight of a book in your hand. When you read in bed you get a crick in your neck from trying to hold the book as little as possible and still be able to see the words. When you read in the bathtub the corners of the pages get pruney and crisp. Your purse is always bulging with a book, ready to be taken out while waiting in line, waiting to pick up your kids, bored at a party. There is always the anticipation of turning the page in the midst of action. The anticipation of opening a brand new book. The final closing after reading something beautiful.

When I get my new iPhone 4 (!!) I will have access to iBooks -- but will I use it? Any book that I bought in e-version that I liked would just have to be repurchased in physical form for my library. I suppose e-books would be all right for a just-okay novel, but you have to pay for it, and if that's the case you may as well partake in the richness that is the library. Ah, the library. We have a complicated relationship -- mostly because I go through bouts where I am furious at them for losing items I return, only to find them sitting on my bookshelf. (In my defense, we had just moved and they were at the very tippy top of the bookshelf completely out of sight.) But mostly we are constant lovers. For no other place in the world offers up the entire, or very near to entire, collection of literature. At no cost. Unless you turn the items in late, and even then it's a pittance, pennies on the day. And all for the joy of reading and reading to your heart's content.

Unseen

Did you know that my husband has never seen 'Gone with the Wind'?

Never.

I've been married to this man for 6 years and he has never seen the movie that made me who I am. Okay, slight exaggeration. Only slight.

I don't expect everyone to read the book -- although everyone SHOULD -- but I do expect all the fabulous people in my life to watch 'Gone with the Wind' and love it. Love it. Absolutely love it. I don't care about "how long it is" and that "it's old and in technicolor" and that "Scarlett is a spoiled bitch" and the whole "slavery is wrong" nonsense. The fact is ... the movie is a wonder. Not only is Scarlett a mark of a fully developed woman, but it also shows the beauty of love and relationships and living with our own choices and all of that. It's epic. I recently re-bought the book because the version I have/permanently-borrowed-from-mom-and-dad is super old and is definitely NOT something you read in the bathtub or throw around in your purse or let the puppy rest its wee wittle head on while you read together in bed. I'm going to re-read it as soon as I make my way through the depressing corn book and all the other library books on my nightstand. February is a perfect month to indulge in a little O'Hara-ness. And it's a great way to start out the year -- because who doesn't want to be more like Scarlett?

And get this: I don't even own it on DVD. (Say what?!?) So I had to rent it from the Library so that we can watch it sans VCR. What a great Valentine's Day present -- hint hint. Oh, but someone please tell my husband that because he doesn't read this blog, therefore making that hint completely useless. Unless one of you want to indulge in my Gone with the Wind all-out obssession ... although, honestly, I'd rather you buy it for yourself and begin your own obssession, or healthy enjoyment, whichever you prefer.

Use Your Words

I would rate my ability to speak and understand the English language as 'moderately high' to 'high.' And even then, I'm sometimes stunted by my vocabulary. Words are the best way to describe something, a feeling, a moment, but my words don't seem to do justice.

I've just finished reading 'The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.' Edgar is a young boy born mute. He is obsessed with the dictionary. He loves words and their sounds and meanings. He revels in naming the puppies on the farm, trying to find the exact and perfect word. He succeeds where I fail. And he is fictional. Of course, the author of Edgar's story is magical. He weaves a story of beauty and fascination unlike anything I have read in a long while. In particular, the words. Words fill my head all day; which is the most true description of a person, place, or thing? But most often I feel like a mute. Unable to express myself the way I want, constantly searching for the perfect word.

The other day my niece asked me "aren't 'plan' and 'idea' the same thing?" What an interesting question. Merriam-Webster says: idea - a plan for action; something imagined or pictured in the mind; a central meaning or purpose. plan - a drawing or diagram showing the parts or details of something; a method for accomplishing an objective. So it would seem from the definitions that an idea could be a plan and vice versa, but the subtle nuance of difference in the meaning of the two words is fascinating to me. And that's why finding the perfect words is a neverending quest. And why I keep writing.

'Finished' List

You know what I should do?

I should start a list of all the books that I read each year -- because I can't tell you how many times I would like to brag about what a wide and diverse selection of books I have completed and am unable to pull from the dregs of my memory the titles of said books. And that way I can keep track of books I loved or hated or didn't finish. Yes, I will even keep track of the ones I don't finish. I think I'll buy one of those "book journals" in which you write the title, author, and a little blurby blurb about 'your feelings.' What a good idea.

So, go list go.

Chores

I hate undone projects around the house. Whether it's ongoing chores or a one-time thing, I can't stand seeing them lying around, mocking me. I have bursts of ambition (usually the day before I actually need to get the thing done) and when the day comes, I will look for any sort of distraction to keep me from doing it. And I really WANT to do them because I want the house to be nice, but I also want to have fun or take a nap or watch tv or go see a movie or go out to dinner...pretty much anything else. Oh well. Here are some things I'm trying to get done this weekend:

• Unpack books and put on bookshelves
• Take down Christmas tree and decorations
• Put up shelves in the garage and fill them with various crap
• Organize the mail
• Build the table we bought at Ikea a month ago
• Do the dishes
• Clean the bathroom
• Get a car wash

Hopefully nothing interesting (or uninteresting) will keep me from completion.

Haunted

We have to read this book.

Apparently it can make you pass out - like one of my employees at work on Sunday night - when you listen to it. The book is titled "Haunted" and it is a series of short stories within a frame story. The characters within the frame story write the short stories contained within and it seems like all the tales and the characters are an odd combination of semi-deviant sexuality and scariness.

I guess the story that causes people to pass out (titled "Guts") begins with the line "hold your breath" and either the people are dumbasses and are actually holding their breath, or the story's gruesomeness is very effective. You can read more about it here...but I warn you - just the description is pretty graphic. Said employee was listening to this story when he started to feel "queasy and disturbed" so he turned it off. The next thing he knew my co-worker was standing over him. The girl sitting next to him said that he sort of slumped over and they couldn't get him to respond to them. By the time we got down to him, he was conscious but super green in the face - like he had no blood whatsoever.

We have to read this book. I mean, I hate scary stories and all that stuff, but this is some sort of weird urban legend thing like "The Ring" or "The Grudge" (both of which I have never seen) and we need to do a social experiment on ourselves and either listen to the audiobook or read it and see what all the fuss is about. Who's with me?

What Are You Reading?

Now. Let me state for the record that I am a huge fan of the "fun" read. You know, those books that are 80% fun and 20% substance. And I love books of this sort - and I read many of them. I have read Harry Potter and Lemony Snickett and Fablehaven and Twilight...oh, no. I haven't read Twilight. And here's why.

Seems to me (and others) that some of you out there are reading these "fun" books and not enough of the other sort. You know, the sort that is 80% substance and only 20% fun. And not reading this other sort is handicapping your ability to form an interesting opinion. And then when we try to talk to you about the "fun" books you only say things like: "Oh my god, I love Edward" (or is it Edgar) and "Harry Potter is so good."

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Maybe you can elaborate on your opinion?

Or maybe you think I'm being a snob (which is usually true) or that I'm being too opinionated but, in my defense, may I point out the following aspects of my character:

1. I watch E! Television for fun
2. I read books for fun and also often just say "I love this book. It is so good."
3. I AM opinionated
4. I am forced to blog about said opinions, even if they come off rude/catty/snobbish

Sorry.

And honestly, I was in the Enligsh department, and I really really hated those classmates who said "Oh, I haven't read Harry Potter" or "This summer I've been reading Voltaire and I love it" or other noxious sayings that made me barf into my backpack. Reading should be done for pleasure and sometimes it should be for growth - and it can always be for both.

BUT even if you are reading a fluff book - your brain can function and talk about anything in a constructive-criticism fashion. Do so. Immediately. Or I won't be asking you what you're reading.

Sleepless in Salt Lake

It is said that those who sleep with others (as in married people) do not sleep as well as solo sleepers. I do not believe this. Tom is in Colorado walking door to door for the Obama campaign and I'm stuck here working. I've been trying to keep myself busy by going out late with friends after work, attempting to delay the inevitable: coming home to an empty bed. Once home, I blog, read, listen to my audiobook, watch bad t.v., but eventually I have to try to fall asleep. I lie down, cold and restless - not feeling sleepy in any way. I've been zonking out around 3 or 4 in the morning, waking up around 7 or 8 for a phone call with Tom, then back to sleep before work. Needless to say, I'm tired.

Tom and I have excellent sleeping arrangements. We love bedtime. We don't have a side of the bed so we can always switch it up. We always cuddle so we can be comfortable. And the heat of his body keeps me in a deep sleep all night long. I hear people saying that they can't fall asleep or that they have trouble staying asleep, but not me. Perhaps it's because we've been sleeping together for so long. When we were first married, we both worked graveyards and slept any chance we could get. We've always gone to bed at the same time - together - slowly building up our tolerance for the other's shuffles and shifts.

Of course, now we have the problem of not being able to sleep very well without the other. Last summer when he was in China I would sleep restlessly for a couple hours every night, wake up just in time to rush to class, and then crash for another couple hours before work. I was constantly exhausted. He was only sleeping about 5 hours a night. Luckily he's only gone for a few days this time around. And when he gets home I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep with him so I can catch up on my zzzzzzs.

The Wheel Turns

When I was a young girl of 16, I met a young boy (some day my husband) and he re-introduced me to reading with a series called 'Wheel of Time.' And I started at the beginning, the first book in a still-not finished group of long, in-depth fantasy novels. While Tom was trying to get me to give the books a chance, I remember him telling me that he's been reading the series since Jr. High and that the author "had better not die before he finishes" because the length of time between each installment was increasing. To date, the series is at Book #12, as in 1-11 are finished and 12 is a work in progress. Last year, the author passed away from a rare blood disorder (you know, the one all the patients on 'House' are diagnosed with, but it always ends up being something else...except for the one time the patient actually had it (if you don't watch 'House' you're missing out)) and we were very sad because now, just as the series was nearing a close, a new author must take his place. So clearly I am invested in the series and I love it dearly, but if you are thinking about undertaking this massive reading treat - get the books in audio form. Even though I have read the books the old fashioned way (aka with my eyeballs) I enjoy them the most when I'm listening to them. The readers of the novels are fantastic and add a new aspect to the characters and the story. I have probably listened to the entire series 7 or 8 times and each time is a treat - even though Tom says I only enjoy it so much because I forget everything so it's like reading it for the first time. Be that as it may, it is still wonderful.

The End

I am slowly nearing the end of my book. When I really love a book I slow down as the pages at the back thin. You know, I read a lot, and I like most of what I read, mostly because I'm picky about what I read. But books that I adore are few and far between. See list:

1. Gone with the Wind
2. The Time Traveler's Wife
3. The Crimson Petal and the White
4. Outlander
5. The Vampire Lestat
6. Cold Mountain
7. The Other Boleyn Girl
8. The Green Mile

These books are beautiful to me and the end of reading them marks a change in my relationship with the book. No more anticipation; no longer can I say, "I'm reading the best book!" and it makes me a little sad. "The Time Traveler's Wife" was the hardest for me to finish; everytime I picked it up I started crying. I couldn't read it in public, and I couldn't read for very long or I'd become dehydrated. If you haven't read the books on my list, I recommend it. Obviously. The best books are the ones you love to read and hate to finish.

Why Don't Things Work

iPods make no sense, so much so that I'm starting to hate them. For some unknown reason, our Nano likes to put audiobooks in the wrong order. It's incredibly distressing when you're listening, and then all of a sudden you're lost; the words don't make sense anymore because you've missed an essential plot point. I mean, the problem may exist for music as well, but who cares about music, really? It can play in any sort of order and it makes no difference. The most frustrating thing is I don't know how to fix the problem because it is completely non-sensical.

Explain:

• tracks are labeled in the folder so: 1-01 - meaning Disc 1, Track 1 and so on
• when they are put into iTunes (don't get me started about iTunes) the tracks still show in the correct order
• once put on the Nano, they are suddenly in a weird order of track 8 through end of disc, then track 1 through track 7

Okay, I understand if it feels like it needs, say, 10, 11, 12 and so on before 1. Fine. But why start with 8? Bizarre. Any help on this matter would be appreciated.

A La Garden

This is a very yummy time of year. Vegetable and fruit stands are popping up along city streets and everyone's gardens are yielding delicious foods. In particular, tomatoes.

Nothing compares to the tastiness of a freshly picked tomato. Whether they are warm or cold, with salt and pepper or in a dish. They are one of the only vegetables that CAN NOT be matched at the grocery store. Even the "on the vine" variety available for purchase do not come close to home grown goodness. The flesh is soft and tartly sweet; the seeds are salty and savory. And when the tomato is added to soups, salads, and sandwiches, whatever soup/salad/sandwich is taken to another level of scrumptiousness. I enjoy nothing more than slicing a tomato in half to salt and pepper it - then bite in and suck out the juices.

This is also the only time of year when you can get green tomatoes. Ah, the green tomato. Breaded and fried and then dipped in fry sauce. A fantastic summer treat that tastes like nothing else. If you've never had a fried green tomato, I recommend eating one this summer, watching the movie, or reading the book...or all 3!

Now, I don't have a garden, so I have to bum this fresh stuff from friends and family. Today my mom gave me 13 tomatoes, ready for eating, and then my friend brought me in 3 more at work. What luck! I'm sure my mom's garden will be giving me several more before the winter freeze and I will be love-ing every tomato (red or green) from it.