Groundhog Day

Damn you, Punxsutawney Phil.
Six more weeks of winter can kiss my ass.
I hate winter and even more, I hate this sort of non-winter we've been having.
There's no snow which is definitely a plus.
But the mild days make me long for springy days and hot summer nights.

And now the stupid groundhog says that won't happen for 6 more weeks.
How accurate is Phil? His own website, obviously biased, says 100%.
Others say as high as 80% accurate.
It's important to point out that he's only NOT seen his shadow 16 times.
Conventiently enough, meteorlogical winter runs from December 5th to March 5th.

I won't pretend I'm not crushed ... and a little disappointed in Phil.
But hopefully his seeing his shadow will hold marginal sway over that great and powerful being: weather.
After all, winter doesn't seem to be putting up much of a fight this year.


Image



Taking Off

Jumping for joy,

Meeting spring with

Healthy eating,

Happy living,

Hearty loveing.

... And extra verbs.

Adventuring

All this warm weather is giving me antsy pants.

I feel the need for long walks that lead to nowhere.

I want to pack a weekend bag and dash off with my lover.

The open highway is calling my name, saying,

"Remember the sunny car,

your feet on the dashboard,

the radio blaring,

your book open on your lap,

the only distraction is the waiting adventure."

Image

Perfect Pair

Today my thoughts drift to the beloved pillars of poetry and parasols ...

A delicate parasol and summer sunshine make a perfect pair.

Courtesy of vintage ftw

The parasol is the umbrella's daughter,
And associates with a fan
While her father abuts the tempest
And abridges the rain.

The former assists a siren
In her serene display;
But her father is borne and honored,
And borrowed to this day.

-- Emily Dickinson



Snowed In

Obviously I am not snowed in.
But.

I have been thinking a lot about what it would be like to be snowed in like the folks back east. Their entire world has come to a halt. No metro, no driving, no going to work or school, or really even much shopping -- because how can you go to the store when you can't get there and it isn't open? I think it would be tremendous fun. No one wants to go out in the snow anyway, when it does snow, so why not be forced to stay indoors? Then you don't have to fight your way to work or dress like an eskimo or get slushy shit on your tights. As long as I had food and fun at the house I think I could be quite content. It would force me to do all the things I never get around to. For example:

Watch TV shows I've been meaning to but don't
Crochet
Sew
Organize the mail
Type letters to the outside world and mail them once free
Write and write and write
Get drunk with my husband
Take baths together
Bake cookies and cakes
Have a candlelit dinner for 3 (me, Tom, puppy)
Read all the books on the nightstand
Try on all my clothes
Call everyone in my phone
Play monopoly and FINISH the game
Make love on the counter

Doesn't that sound like tremendous entertainment? However, this fun won't ever happen because we live in Utah where the snow is no-biggy and we have multi-million dollar snow removal systems in place. But it's nice to dream about a big book, endless movies, and a warm blanket to share while the world turns to white outside.

Crispness

Left work last night

completely satisfied.
Glad to go home,

glad to leave behind completion.

I walked into a

quiet night,

low moon,

crisp air,

grass twinkling under foot.

A lovely spring is taking shape.

Midwinter Slump

This is absolutely the most god awful time of year. The excitement of the holidays has come and gone. The excitement of snow has also fled. Now, the days are tedious. The weather sucks ass. The drag of winter extends out into what feels like (and may as well be) eternity. It's no surprise that when people retire and become closer to death they move to some place sunny and pleasant, like Florida or California or Arizona. Who wants to waste the remaining years of their life shoveling snow? Or scraping off the windshield? Or just feeling fucking freezing down to the bone?

Not me. Not you either. Don't lie.

I am currently in the hibernation stage of my midwinter blues. I just want to stay in my house in my bed in blankets and sweaters. And within my house, I don't want to do anything but sleep and eat and watch tv -- with intermittent periods of reading. Some people might call this SAD. Literally. "Seasonal Affective Disorder" is a mood disorder which also has a catchy acronym. Do I think I have it? Who doesn't. (Maybe not snowboarders/skiiers -- they are freaks.) SAD affects most normal people to some degree or another; people who are otherwise mentally picture-perfect during the good time of the year. "Good" being summer or spring or even fall. Basically any time of the year that IS NOT January/February. At least in November and December you have the loveliness of the holidays to cheer you up and surround you with presents and friends and family. In January nothing is going on except MLK Jr Day. Not that this isn't a great holiday representation wise. It's just not a super-fantastic-wish-time kind of celebration.

I think I will maybe buy one of those UV lamps and see if that shakes me out of my hated slump. Go towards the light...

Snowed In

This could happen to you.

Scene: Friday, December 26th 2008. 9:00 AM. Snow. A fuck load.
Tom has just departed for work.

Ring ring.
"Hello?"
"I need you to come help dig me out."
"Are you kidding?"
"No. I'm not."
"Well, where are you?"
"Behind the garage."

Indeed. Tom pulled out of the garage and became promptly stuck. No plowermen had been by and the snow was up to the doors on the car. Now, we live in an apartment. We don't own shovels or snow removal equipment greater than a car scraper. And you must keep in mind that I am 5 feet tall. What help I was going to be in the situation was unknown -- and it actually turned out to be zero. I tried pushing the car while Tom pushed on the gas. I tried pushing the gas while Tom pushed the car. The car was well and truly stuck and I was cold.

Welcome father-in-law. Tom Sr. lives just a bit away and he drives a truck. So la dee da he comes to the rescue. I watched from the garage as Tom and Dad used shovels to save our car from imminent peril (that being snow) and then Tom brilliantly tucked the car back into the garage.

"Okay. Thanks, Dad," Tom says. "Can you take me to work now?"

Yeah - they can't leave - because now the TRUCK is stuck. Luckily, Tom Sr. has chains for just such a rescue mission gone awry scenario. I stood in the garage, watching as they both lied down in the snow, red hands fastening chains onto tires, and then watched with breath held as they drove away - hoping they wouldn't get stuck again or crash and die on the way to work.

End scene: Friday December 26th 2008. 10:00 AM.
Tom has just departed for work....again.

The moral of this story: Wow - snow really sucks ass. I hate you, snow.

I'm Glad It's Raining

Because that means it's not snowing.

It is difficult to see the positive side of a cold, rainy morning, but it is possible. Don't you think it would be worse to step into a pile of frozen flakes rather than a cold puddle? The snow getting stuck in your shoe and clumping on the hem of your pants. I mean, I think snow is beautiful and everything, but only when you're inside, or perhaps when you're bundled up warm. When you're on your way to work, however, snow is not okay. It sticks to the car. So you have to wipe off the car. And you're on your way to work so you're wearing a dress or perhaps thin dress pants. And your shoes aren't the best for trekking through the snow. And maybe, even worse, you have to scrape the ice off of the windshield. The roads are thick with traffic because the snow is sticking to the ground and everyone is driving pathetically slow to prevent sliding into other vehicles. So your drive to work is a stress filled 30 minutes. And then you're late.

And that's why I hate snow. And why I'm glad it's raining.

What's Wrong with Weather?

You know, weather gets an unfair profile as a boring subject. People make jokes about bad conversations where you talk about the weather - as if the conversors were unable to think of anything interesting to say. Weather also has the reputation of being the "polite" topic; proper for party small talk and distant relatives.

I for one, think the weather is a fabulous and interesting subject. It's universal appeal and lack of ability to offend makes it 100% available for discussion amongst the most diverse crowd. Not to mention that we live in a state with 4 distinct seasons and within those seasons, the weather can be quite elaborate. I talk about the weather because I am always thinking about the it and how it influences my mood/feelings/opinions. The state of my physical body allows for inner reflection and creativity. Sometimes when the snow starts to fall (even though I hate the aftermath) the beauty of it makes me feel peaceful. Or during the summer - I love the heat of a sun filled car. When it rains and the hem of my pants gets wet, I'm angry. The weather makes me feel and makes me interesting.

The weather is like a constant friend:

a friend that always has good gossip

a friend that entertains you when you're bored

a friend that saves you from awkward silences

a friend you always love - even when you're angry at them

Weather Permitting

As if the sudden snow weren't bad enough - today I had to go my little brother's soccer game in the freezing cold bullshit weather. My huband had to work (lucky bastard) and so my old-school fam and I dove into the car and then out onto the field.

I sat huddled in shirt+sweater+sweater+blanket+hood. My mom went the coat+shirt+sweater route and my dad was in a thick coat and I'm assuming some sort of shirt as he doesn't normally go topless. And despite our best intentions - we were all freezing. My brother, however, was in his soccer gear+coat. And when I say soccer gear I mean soccer shorts.

I'm sure he's thinking that he hates soccer now because soccer=frozen knees.

Just a Suggestion

As the weather is changing, we should do some fally things to cope with the loss of summer:

1. Visit the remaining veggie stands
2. Read a book with a blanket
3. Shop for sweaters
4. Eat squash
5. Buy yarn
6. Hibernate
7. "Fall" in love

Pile it On

In my heart of hearts, I really don't like this time of year because it starts to freeze in the morning and at night. But there is one thing I love - and that is the chill in the air that brings out blankets.

I pile them on the bed; duvet, then a quilt, and maybe an extra throw. It is so comforting to cuddle in bed and watch television and have to push down all the bedding in order to see the screen. The bed becomes super soft and it invites you to fall asleep and stay asleep for hours. So even though the weather is taking a turn for the worse, the bed is there to aid in hibernation.

Brrr

God damn, it is suddenly fucking freezing.

Tom heats up the bed with his furnace feet, creating a cocoon of warmth - but once I'm out, I'm instantly cold. I need a blanket and a heating pad. I have to make breakfast with cold feet and cold legs. I want to take a shower just so I can warm up.

Summer, what happened to you? Did you just decide to bail and leave us to the fall chill? Well, please come back. No one is like you; you are wonderfully warm. We hate the cold. What can we do to make you change your mind? We'll buy you presents...