Wednesday, December 31

Farewell 2008

You were a great year:

I graduated from college.
I moved to China.
I moved home again.
I resigned from my job.
I was rehired.
I lost 15 pounds.
My mother regained her health.
My family became closer.
My friends became more dear.
My marriage became stronger.
I was brave.
I took chances.
I gained wisdom.
I'm ready for a new year, new challenge, new life.
So goodbye last year.
I loved our time together.

Tuesday, December 30

Everyone's an Idiot But Me

I often become frustrated because I feel like everyone around me is an idiot. I don't say this to be mean -- rather, I say this to vent so that I don't yell at an inappropriate time how fucking retarded everyone is. I'm also not saying this because I'm smarter than everyone. More so, this feeling comes from the inability to say what I really feel. And what I really feel, at least in the beginning, is only a mild sort of impatience with someone's actions. It has nothing to do with their intelligence (or lack thereof) but rather with situational (i.e. diplomatic) requirements which deem me dumb. Then, as the forced silence grows, so does the frustration and it eventually turns to thoughts of "everyone's an idiot but me" despite the original "offense" of the anonymous other being slight. I hate feeling like this.

I can understand why people have aneurysms and die.

Monday, December 29

It's Happening Again

I really hate dejavu.
What the hell is it?
Someone please tell me.
The brain can't make up memories that never happened.
It really creeps me out when it happens.
And I know it's totally stupid - don't judge me,
But I sometimes think:
"Oh my god, maybe we really are plugged in to some horrible "matrix" machine and our entire world and our physical bodies are nothing and dejavu is a glitch in our collective hive mind!"
But that's stupid, right?
Totally crazy.
Also, please see this cool link about other funky mind phenomena.

Saturday, December 27

The State of Love

Love is one of those unnatural things. Lust, infatuation, friendship, even liking someone - these are all normal. But true love between two adults -- two separate beings with separate thoughts and feelings -- that is incredible.

Because, you see, unlike the love between family and children, these two adults make a conscious decision to be together every day. Or, at least, they should. It's no wonder that marriages fall apart; that lovers leave; the feelings fade. Who can constantly decide that they want to breathe air or drink water? After being together for a while, for some people "a while" could be two days or two lifetimes, but whenever that period comes, people get comfortable. They get lazy. Somewhere along the way the love can turn to familial love, which is not to say that it doesn't work or that people can't be happy that way.

But it's not for me.

I'm not a great romantic. I don't like forced romantic gestures like door opening or beds of roses. But I do like choice. An adult decision to be together and accept that we choose to be together - not because it's easy or familiar or comfortable - but because we want the other one around. We want feeties in the bed, ticklish necks, hair on the shower wall, water bottles on the floor, socks everywhere, eggs and bacon in the morning, a sink full of dishes, a bed full of pillows, lots of hugs, lots of kisses, lots of I love yous, lots of fights, silliness, sadness, and love.

Chosen love.

Friday, December 26

Snowed In

This could happen to you.

Scene: Friday, December 26th 2008. 9:00 AM. Snow. A fuck load.
Tom has just departed for work.

Ring ring.
"I need you to come help dig me out."
"Are you kidding?"
"No. I'm not."
"Well, where are you?"
"Behind the garage."

Indeed. Tom pulled out of the garage and became promptly stuck. No plowermen had been by and the snow was up to the doors on the car. Now, we live in an apartment. We don't own shovels or snow removal equipment greater than a car scraper. And you must keep in mind that I am 5 feet tall. What help I was going to be in the situation was unknown -- and it actually turned out to be zero. I tried pushing the car while Tom pushed on the gas. I tried pushing the gas while Tom pushed the car. The car was well and truly stuck and I was cold.

Welcome father-in-law. Tom Sr. lives just a bit away and he drives a truck. So la dee da he comes to the rescue. I watched from the garage as Tom and Dad used shovels to save our car from imminent peril (that being snow) and then Tom brilliantly tucked the car back into the garage.

"Okay. Thanks, Dad," Tom says. "Can you take me to work now?"

Yeah - they can't leave - because now the TRUCK is stuck. Luckily, Tom Sr. has chains for just such a rescue mission gone awry scenario. I stood in the garage, watching as they both lied down in the snow, red hands fastening chains onto tires, and then watched with breath held as they drove away - hoping they wouldn't get stuck again or crash and die on the way to work.

End scene: Friday December 26th 2008. 10:00 AM.
Tom has just departed for work....again.

The moral of this story: Wow - snow really sucks ass. I hate you, snow.

Thursday, December 25

Very Merry

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
Our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yule-tide gay
From now on
Our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years
We all will be together
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Wednesday, December 24

And Now for the Best Part

Whilst we are tucked in our beds
Perhaps with sugar plums in our heads
The snow will fall outside

Christmas trees will be lit all night
And a jolly man prepares for the flight;
The world's best loved ride

Down chimney after chimney he will fall
Shouting, "Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!"

Tuesday, December 23

Deceptive December

December is almost over.

December is one of those tricky creatures; it comes quickly, leaves quickly, and you are left standing with a new year in your hands wondering where last year went.

All the trees are up.
The presents are wrapped.
Windows are lit.
And our collective breath is bated for Christmas.

Perhaps we want it to be over - no matter how much you love the season, it's a lot of work. But I sometimes find myself thinking, "Wow, what happened?" As a kidling Christmas took forever to get here. Did I lose something along the way to adulthood? Am I not able to hold on to the spirit of Christmas? They say that as you age time goes by faster and faster. It's true.

Monday, December 22


Shopping at the last minute is great.
You have had all month to plan out what you're going to buy.
So your shopping is direct and quick.
You don't hate Christmas.

Sunday, December 21

It's a Mosquito Bite

So... I would rather not talk about this, but I can't help but admit that zits are an annoyance to me. I am now a ripe old age of 25. Shouldn't zits be a long gone story? I have always been fortunate enough to have good skin - I get by with relatively little work (like washing/exfoliating/makeup/acne medication and so on) and it's not like I'm not grateful for my complexion. But any zit is a pain in the ass (er face). Lately I've been getting one huge zit on my chin. Then, as soon as that one is gone, I grow another one. Only one at a time. Red and angry. Personally, I blame all the holiday stress. Oh, and I blame the cold weather for chapping my lips which requires me to wear chapstick to bed which then gets on my chin which clogs pores and causes pimples. The worst part is that I can't stop picking at them. I peel off a layer of skin and then try to leave it alone, but the next day I'll be peeling off another layer. I think that the one zit is more obvious because it is all by itself. I smile, it smiles. I talk, it talks. Like a friend...that I hate.

Saturday, December 20

Childhood Christmas

Christmas is magical to most people because it is filled with fond memories. We continue to develop traditions even into adulthood -- but the basis of those come from childhood. My childhood Christmases are easily recalled and are, no doubt, the reason for my love of the holiday season. To me, there is an element in the air that doesn't exist at other times; something that, even though I'm grown and Christmas has lost the wonder of childish fantasies, the spirit continues. After all, Christmas is all about being childlike: giving selflessly, accepting graciously, becoming excited about silly things.

My small family did Christmas in a huge way. The entire week my mom would prep for "all" (all meaning 8) of the family to come to the house. Lots of cooking, lots of eating. We would clean and scrub and decorate. The upstairs had the beautiful tree and downstairs was the family tree - littered with our mishmash of sentimental ornaments. It used to be that we only opened one present on Christmas Eve, but somewhere along the road we ditched that and started opening EVERYTHING on Christmas Eve. The living room would be filled with wrapping paper and piles of presents. Best of all, when we woke in the morning, Santa had brought many more presents in the night.

Looking back, one of my favorite memories was Granny. She would drive herself down from Farmington in her cream Oldsmobile - always independent - and I loved to help her bring in the beautifully wrapped presents. Her arrival marked the official start of Christmas because she was the "out of town" company we prepared hardest for. The two of us used to sleep together in my bed on Christmas Eve and I remember the comfort of having someone near me. She always used a silk pillowcase to keep her hair nice. She always wore "house slippers." She always picked up pieces of whatever on the floor - no matter how hard we cleaned. She always drank a mug of hot water in the morning. She was lovely, and I miss her at Christmastime. We used to sing carols around the piano - me playing, Mom singing in her booming mezzo, Granny in her low alto. The lights from the tree illuminating the tree in a rosy glow, quiet snow outside, love on the inside.

Thursday, December 18

6th Day

Today is day #6.
I had Wednesday off and now
it's time to go back to work for another 6 days.
Lickety split.

Don't feel bad for me - I love working hard.

Wednesday, December 17

Tree Saga

I fake moved to China which caused me to give away my Christmas tree. I moved into a new apartment and wanted to have a tree. I borrowed an extra one from my parents.

It sits in a box.

Every day I plan on putting up the tree. Every day I plan on decorating it. Every day goes by without tree or decorations.

Christmas is coming soon. I hope I get it up before Christmas or I will hate myself.

Monday, December 15

Attack of the Christmas Treats

Why is it that even when everyone is busy shopping and wrapping and, in general, running around like mad people, they still find time to buy or bake delicious goodies and throw them in front of innocent passers-by?

Please stop. My willpower is only so strong and I cannot, day after day, continue to ignore yummy food everywhere I go. Where does this tradition come from? Is it because this is the time of year of excess? The time when we all celebrate our good fortune for the past year and indulge in treats and presents and give gifts and spend lots of money? And what better way to show our collective success than to gain weight? It's like in 'Fiddler on the Roof' when Topal wants a wife with 3 double chins to show how rich he is. We are all working towards our figurative (or actual) double chin during the holidays. Look at us - we can eat whatever we want! We're so prosperous! Look at all the excess!

I say: stop all the waste, stop all the unhealthy trains of treats upon treats. Instead, let's feed the hungry and not feed ourselves. We've eaten enough. Instead of sharing our good fortune with others of good fortune, let's bake goodies and buy presents for those less fortunate than ourselves. Plus, this way we can share in the holiday joy of weight loss rather than the hated holiday weight gain.

Happy holidays for all!

Sunday, December 14

Christmas Portrait

If you are looking for a most excellent Christmas CD - I recommend "Christmas Portrait" by The Carpenters. It has classics and some fun twists on old tunes. And, of course, Karen's voice carries through and makes you feel decidedly 'holiday'-ish. It also has beautiful instrumentals provided by Richard which really make the album stand out from other Christmas CDs, which are usually rubbish.

I've loved The Carpenters since I was a teenager. I was obssessed with Karen - both for her voice and for her sad story. I was immediately hooked on their "sound" and the simple beauty of their music. Their Christmas CD ties in the best of their musical talent and the magic of the holiday season.
Go. Buy. Enjoy.

By the way...please ignore the scary, big, bobble head cover art. It in no way reflects what's inside.

Saturday, December 13

New Obsession

I am absolutely addicted to the Trekking class at my gym. It's crazy - and it kicks my ass hard - but it is fantastic. I'm head over heels in love. Nothing makes you feel as good as running. Running uphill, running as fast as you can, sprinting across the imaginary finish line.

The class lasts for an hour and at the end I am exhausted but surprisingly revitalized. I've got a great natural high. And now my heart is getting super strong and healthily hearty. I've been going twice a week for more than a month now; soon my heart will be able to beat the shit out of all other hearts. Wow. Don't you wish your heart was just as strong?

I sometimes dream that I can run for miles and miles - not at a jog, but at full speed. Running free through fields and mountains, not bogged down by weight or breath.

"Wouldn't it be nice
If I could melt myself like ice
Or outrun my skin
And just be pure wind?"

Friday, December 12

12 Days Before Christmas

So, at my work Christmas is the busiest time of year. Many people have to work extra days and extra hours and it's pretty sucky for them...and us. We supervisors try to make it more fun by doing the "12 Days Before Christmas" which is where each day has a theme and we dress up or something fun. See list:
  1. Mismatched Shoe Day
  2. Christmas Trivia Day
  3. 50s Day
  4. Big Hair Day
  5. Dessert Day
  6. Luau Day
  7. Pirate Day
  8. Scarf or Sweater Day
  9. Crazy Hat and Socks Day
  10. Best Dress Day
  11. Red & Green Day
  12. Santa Hat Day

Because I'm working 6 days I will be there for all of them - with the exception of Dessert Day (thank God I'm missing that one) - and I'm planning out my wardrobe. It's a fun (albeit busy) time, but I love it!

Thursday, December 11


This is it. The last day off before the craziness of "Christmas" strikes. The last day off when I do not have anything "to do." Nowhere to run, no chores, no obligations. Only an obligation to laziness and relaxation. I am going to lay in bed all day. Sometimes I will go down to the kitchen for food, but I will eat in bed, read in bed, sleep in bed.

In bed all day.
How lovely.

Wednesday, December 10

Cave People Died at Age 30

Oh my god. We have been without the internet and TV for 5 days. I know that it doesn't seem like a long time, but it is. It is a really fucking long time.

How do people survive without the internet? How do they access their information? How do they look up show times for movies or how late stores are open or how soon that storm is moving in? How do they check their email/facebook/blog? How do they pay their bills? Do their banking? Play games?

Cave people died young. Their lives were really hard because they were always foraging for food and trying to kill mammoths for food and trying not to become food. Also, they did not have TV or internet. So basically: when they weren't trying to stay alive, they were bored witless. No wonder they died so young. Their lives sucked ass. Think about how much more enjoyable their life would have been if they had "Friends" to watch. Or if they could join and find a more compatible mate - one that would not be upset about trying to get the mastodon smell out of the rug.Our life is decidedly "techish" but I'm not one to complain because I'm not dying at the age of 30 and I'm not bored. I don't mind being semi-dependent on technology because I'm also semi-dependent on oxygen - and to me, there is little difference. A contestant on "Survivor" said that they enjoyed their time because they were able to "detox from technology." Okay, what? Technology is in our lives to better it. It does not control us. We control IT. It is a tool for us to use and use to excess if that is what we choose. Sometimes people tell me that they don't like having a cell phone because they hate the feeling that they can always be contacted, bugged, pestered, and so on. And to those people I say: don't answer your phone. It's that simple. We can use tech stuff to make our lives better and when we don't want to use it, we can put it away. I don't feel that it controls our lives, it simply takes us far and away from cavemen. We've evolved and it's fabulous.

Tuesday, December 9


Please help me find the following items for my household:

  • garbage cans - perfect in size and shape; non-offensive color; not too pricey (after all, it's for garbage)
  • soap dispensers - beautiful and interesting; each shaped differently; color coordinated with its corresponding room
  • dishes - red or with hints of red; modern or classic design (makes no difference); not too heavy; microwavable;
I've been searching high and low - but perhaps you have seen something higher or lower that meets these criteria. I want something I love love love but the search is wearing me down.

Sunday, December 7

Holiday Madness

My work is crazy
Christmas is coming
6-day work week is coming
Overtime is coming
I love the madness
It feels like Christmas...

Friday, December 5

Sleeping on the Floor

The bed is supposed to be a haven; beautiful bedding complete with piled pillows, blankets, and a comfy mattress. It also helps to have a comfy sleeper next to you. Currently, our box springs and mattress are on the floor. I hate this for many reasons, one being that, while I'm sure there is no difference, I feel like I'm not sleeping as well as I usually do. My neck feels quirky, my back stiff, my shoulders squishy. But the main problem is a twofold problem: I can't put up the bedframe because it is so old we can't move it once it's up and I don't yet know where I want to bed to go so I guess we'll just keep sleeping on the floor until I make up my mind. Hopefully my mind won't get a crick in it...

Thursday, December 4

Burds Nesting

Our new apartment is lovely.
And we're filling it with lovely things:
Our old bed which is my old bed
Classic loveseat
Modern chair
Beautiful soap dispensers
Soothing garbage cans
Method handsoap
Packed pantry
Square plates
Interesting glasses
The best pots and pans
Fuzzy rugs
Glass-handle shower curtain rings
Leafy curtain
Dove soap
Color-coordinated closet
Folded pants
Rows of shoes
Piles of blankets
Burd table

Welcome Home.

Wednesday, December 3

The Jazz Lost

I hate sports, pretty much all of them...maybe not the Olympics. But we went to the Jazz game tonight because it was free. It was pretty fun -even though the Jazz lost and I was told that the Jazz were pretty good and that the home team should almost always win. But anyway. Here are some things I don't know about basketball:
  1. What the "end zone" is called - but I know it's not the end zone because Tom laughed at me.
  2. How long does the score clock go for?
  3. Who's job is it to reset the score clock?
  4. What the fouls are for - I suggested "fumbling" which got another round of laughter.
  5. The names of any players - the only Jazz guy I know is "Boozer" and he wasn't there for some reason. Probably because he knew they were going to lose.
  6. I don't understand the comic I chose.

Tuesday, December 2

Moving In?

So, the apartment that we've been waiting to move into for like 2 months called today and told us that we could move in.


Wait, not quite yet. Tom almost wanted to change his mind about taking the new place when he found out that the ONLY internet option available was Qwest. DSL. Lame.

I know that the internet is not the be-all end-all of the world, but it almost is. How can one function without superfast internet? Information at the touch of a button, blogging, movie times, shopping, TV shows, email, chatting, and on and on. How is it possible that parts of the world are not yet operating on lightning fast cable internet? I hate waiting for civilization to be 100% civilized.

We're taking the apartment - it's too good to pass up. But you can now call us "The Slowskys."