It Started With ...

So I'll tell you a story. At the bright age of 12 I was allowed to start wearing makeup. It didn't take long for me to discover that even mascara could not change my straight straight straight eyelashses into model-long curls. Thus began a decade long struggle with curlers, smudges, types of mascara, and a general loathing of my eyelashes.

So about 6 months ago I noticed that my chosen brand of super-curling-waterproof-blackest-black mascara by Maybelline was disappearing off the shelves. It was getting harder and harder to find. I realized too late that it was being discontinued -- couldn't find it ANYWHERE and couldn't buy it online straight from the manufacturer either -- so late was my discovery of the discontinuation. I mean, was I being an idiot? Yes, I was in denial.

So now I have this horrible dilemma where I'm absolutely out of MY mascara. And that begins my search for an alternative. I do extensive mascara research (Googling "mascara curling Asians" hoping for a tried-and-true Asian-approved mascara). I try every kind of curling mascara at Sephora. They all suck. Within hours, nay, minutes(!) my eyelashes are failing to look skyward but droop like Snuffleupagus. Hideous.

So I now begin researching eyelash extensions. I investigate eyelash salons. Look into eyelash types of curls, lengths, brands, etc. I post on FB, asking for my lady friends' opinions and get a slew of "NO!" and "YES!" and "My friend does them for $1!"      <-- not exactly but you get the idea.

So I end up getting eyelash extensions. After 2 hours and 15 minutes in the chair, I know -- without a doubt -- they are the most wonderful things to ever happen to my eyes. I love love love them. I look wide awake and glamorous all.the.time! The only downside is ... wait for it ... they hit my glasses. They flutter up and down so beautifully and then snag on my glasses. This is as annoying as shit.

So yesterday I went to the optometrist and got contacts. Victory! I managed to overcome my fear of things near/in my eye and put the gooey orb in and out of my eyeball. As Tom says, "I'm becoming a grown up."

Why am I telling you this story? So you can see how one small change brings about big change, brings growth, opens you up to new possibilities and new experiences you never thought you'd embark on.

Be brave.

Make changes.

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Summer Goals

My ballet friend Catherine and I have made some specific short-term goals for the summer session of ballet. We have both recently returned from a ten year long break and are now attempting to be ballerinas again. We are frustrated with the limitations of our "older" bodies and are working towards our ballerina bodes. It was especially motivating when we saw fellow "old" dancer (who has four children, by the way) with an absolutely beautiful body; thin, supple, muscular, and graceful.

So. Jealous.
So I'm setting goals. Goals that I WILL achieve by the end of summer session. It's time to get serious.

Goal 1  Both splits, left and right, flat. That means tushy on the floor.
Goal 2  Lose 15 pounds. Period.
Goal 3  Cardio and resistance training two times a week. Ballet is four times a week, two hour classes, so I'm going to do cardio and upper body workouts two other days. I can do it. My aim for weightlifting is toned arms, a ripply chest, and muscular back -- all of which look stunning when you dance. The cardio should help trim up my legs and hopefully aid in the weightloss.

I need to buy a scale. After the pee incident, read more here, I had to throw out the old one ... so it's in with the new. (I haven't weighed myself for a few weeks which feels very strange; not knowing one's weight.) But anyway, get the scale, start weighing myself, and start losing. The hardest goal is #2. That will be my main focus. You know, I think that this return to ballet has brought up a lot of body issues ... but oddly enough, I don't hate my body for not being perfect. Rather, I'm proud of it for all its accomplisments, and further still, its potential.

Personal Grooming

Do you remember in 'Clueless' when Josh asks Cher "Do you know how many hours a day you spend grooming yourself?" This is an interesting question I am asking myself. A brief list of some things I do on some days:

1. apply makeup
2. shower
3. blow dry hair
4. brush hair
5. do hair (i.e. ponytail, curling, waving, you know 'doing')
6. paint nails
7. file nails
8. trim nails
9. get a pedicure
10. whiten teeth
11. brush teeth
12. wash face
13. moisturize using anti-aging cream
14. get dressed
15. put on lotion
16. shave various areas
17. pluck eyebrows
18. wear perfume
19. wear jewelry
20. sleep
21. pop zits
22. use nose strips
23. dye hair
24. trim hair
25. use hairthings like headbands/scarves
26. curl eyelashes
27. pumice heels

Doesn't that sound ridiculous? I mean, I don't do all that shit every day, but goddamn; that seems like an awful lot. I'll have to think of something I can cut out...maybe the sleep. Sometimes I hate being a high-maintenance low-maintenance-appearing female.

Speaking of Legs

Yeah. Mine are incredibly short and stocky.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have "cankles" because even thought my legs are not long and luxurious, they are still shapely and slightly firm. However, I am glad that my husband is not a "leg man" because my legs aren't long and luxurious.

Sometimes I think about how it would be to buy "regular" length pants or not have to hem dress pants or not have my hems become frayed. Or I will sometimes imagine that simply crossing my legs is the sexiest thing alive because they are slim and nine miles long. But these are short (haha) lived and fleeting.

I work very hard not to hate my legs. I have, like many flawed people, embraced my legs and tried to make them endearing to myself (and hopefully others) in different ways:

1. I wear skirts
2. I wear tights
3. I don't wear shorts
4. I wear pants
5. I wear high heels
6. I wear tube socks at home

See - rather than try to hide my stumpy legs, I try to show them off in cutesy ways. This makes people associate them with "little" or "child-like" or "adorable" rather than seeing them as "unremarkable." Perhaps in a future life I will have the legs to be a model or a ballerina, but in the meantime I will settle for using what I've got to the best of my ability.