Female Independence

What is the deal with being married? I swear, if some corporation/institution finds out I'm married, I get put on the back burner and they want to deal with my husband. When we moved into our apartment they wanted to know Tom's information even though I was the primary earner. They wanted to know what his income was (which was practically nill because he was going to school) and I told them so and they were like "what the fuck" and couldn't wrap their teeny tiny brains around it. If it were the other way around and I was the student and HE was the primary earner, they wouldn't think twice about the situation. But because it's me and I'm a girl (obviously helpless and in need of male support) and I'm married they always fall back to the husband.

A couple years ago we added each other to our separate (but equal) bank accounts. Well, sometimes I hate it. Only because if I'm on his account they ALWAYS want his permission. I understand that this is a safeguard in case one of us goes crazy and wants to spend all the money. Or perhaps if we are going through a nasty divorce and we want to cut the other one off from all the funds. But this is not us. We are stable. We are like a semi-single unit of thought. We make decisions together - but we don't need to actually BE together when the deed needs to be done.

Case in point - refinancing our car loan. We had already done all the paperwork and preliminary gobbledy gook hand in hand at the branch. Then, on Monday when it was time to finish it off, I left Tom at home thinking "I'll just take care of this realy quick." But no. They needed him there "of course" (Jesus, why would I think I could do it myself?) and once I got him there they acted like I was a rug.

Here's another example: I called to set up the utilites at our new apartment. I told her my name and gave her my social and blah blah blah. Then she asks "and your husband's name?" and I'm thinking, "Is that relevant?" I mean, I can't even have a utility bill in my own name? We've got to add him on just in case I default or decide to stop working so that I can have babies? Give me a break. I live in a world where women AND men are individuals who are capable of doing a lot of shit on their own. Just because Tom and I are married doesn't mean we're one person (despite the fact that we are usually with the other) and I should be able to - just sometimes - operate as a single unit. If I weren't married, would they ask for my dad's information? It's ridiculous. And quite frankly, it pisses me off.