Driving Instructions

My mother started teaching me to drive when I was 13. It started with backing the cars in and out of the driveway. Then, she let me drive on the back roads on the way home from Granny's house. I went through driver's ed and passed my test on the first try. I have never been in an accident. I have never received a ticket. I consider myself an adequate driver.

Of course, I have my flaws. I speed, follow a little too close, change lanes often, and listen to the radio really loud. But I have my history to back up the fact that I am, despite anything else, a successful driver. This is my opinon.

Tom disagrees - vociferously. I hate it when he critiques my driving. I don't say anything about the way he drives...even when he's flipping people off or refusing to let them in our lane. Why don't I say anything? Because I trust that he can operate a vehicle with competence. His driving style may differ from mine, but a difference in type does not indicate incorrectness.

I have compiled a short list of reasons why he should, kindly, shut the hell up:

1. I have been driving longer than he has.

2. I state, again, the "no tickets, no accidents" clause.

3. I am more fun to drive with.

4. I always reach my destination in a safe and timely manner.

5. I can drive any way I fucking please.

If statistics can be belived, 50% of the population has an IQ below 100. I am the least of anyone's worries on the road.