Fame and Glory

I can't help myself. I am addicted to applause and acclaim. In Judy Garland's biography, "Get Happy," (one of many but the only one I've read) the author talks about how Judy fell in love with performing; her relationship with the audience, their reactions to her performance, the rise of the curtain. I know exactly what she means. I have performed since I was very small. My mom had put me in Sunshine Generation (which I understand is still around) which was a little singing/lip-syncing/dancing group. There is a picture of me in my orange dress complete with yellow apron ensemble at the zoo. My pudgy arms poke out from the colorful dress and I smile in a big CHEESE grin. As I entered elementary school I performed in the yearly talent show, singing my heart out. And then in Junior High I started dancing at the Ballet Centre (the school I also attend now) as well as performing in the school musical. In fact, I sometimes forget this, but I was Audrey in "Little Shop of Horrors" when I was just fourteen. I wore a blonde wig and belted out 'Suddenly Seymour' as best I could. Throughout High School I continued to perform -- school musicals, community theatre, drill team, dance company, summer ballet -- I couldn't get enough. Which led me to earn a full tuition scholarship in musical theatre. Ta da!

Once in college, I continued to enjoy performing in the productions but I wasn't mature enough to focus on my schooling and perform. (My last year in High School had spoiled me: AP English, dance company, drill team, theatre class, seminary, concert choir, and ballroom ... not exactly scholarly.) My grades suffered and I'm sure that if I had stayed (I left to get married) I would have been on the watch list or would have lost the scholarship. After we were married I started focusing on my career, working my way up, and completing my undergraduate in English.

I hadn't been on stage for 8 years ...

Until last night. We performed the Sleeping Beauty waltz in front of a packed amphitheatre. It was grand. The lights, the rise of the music, that moment just before you step into view, the look you affix to your face. I love it all. Even the late rehearsals and stinky costumes and painful mornings, all worth it. I always feel myself drawn towards the arts, whether it be through writing or performing, and that also pulls me towards fame. That strange desire to be famous and world renowned. What's up with that? I don't think I would enjoy being famous AT ALL because, in general, I hate most people. And I really hate drama in my real life -- drama on stage, yes, always. But it ends there. I guess it's a good thing that fame is a non-existent possibility. That way I can just dream about it and enjoy my time on stage, under the lights, in front of an audience, and take a bow.