It's in the Cards

At the New Year's Eve Masquerade we went to, a tarot card reader was there in hope that guests could see what 2012 held in store for them. Obviously we did it for the hell of it (Tom and I are both far too cynical to set much stock in cards, palmistry, fortunes, Ouija boards, mystical spirits, etc.) and because we were in a jolly party spirit. Plus, "everyone else was doing it" and it was free.

My reading was pretty accurate with the exception of one huge falsehood: I'm pregnant. At least, that's what she said -- that I either was already pregnant or would become pregnant very soon. Clearly a lie. But I'll have to admit, she read me pretty well. The rest is quite accurate ...

* I'm private but public. She likened this to being like a politician (is that good or bad?!), further clarifying by saying that people will feel like they know me very well and I'll divulge what seems like endless information about myself, but the true depths of my self, the most inner parts of me, are reserved for loved ones only.

* I'm a real lady (Oooo!) -- meaning I know how to act and behave appropriately in every situation I find myself in.

* I stress about money.

* I like a clean house for company but also have a natural messiness about me. I might still have clothes on the floor in the bedroom behind closed doors. I try to be a very tidy and clean person, but sometimes I just pile my clothes on the floor and the dishes in the sink.

* I have a very healthy ego, meaning: I know my worth.

And this last reading, the last turn of the card, spoke to me loud, very loud. The entire scope of my personality and the decisions I make in my life and the way I interact with people all comes down to this one aspect of my self. I know my worth. And it took a stranger to make me realize this truth. Oh friends. If only I could grant this knowledge to every person in the world. If people would stop underestimating their capabilities, we could do SO much. If everyone knew their worth, we would be unstoppable. I love the idea of every individual tapping into all the happiness that comes from being at peace with one's self.

Of course, I don't feel like this every waking moment of every cotton-pickin' day. I have days where I hate myself and doubt every.single.thing I do; my body is fat, my face is boring, I should be a better daughter, why did I go back to school? But that's normal and it passes. I'm not saying this to brag (I hope it doesn't sound that way) because it's not a matter of pride. More, it's something that brings lasting happiness and clarity. I wish it for everyone, the peace that comes with a strong sense of self.

"To be beautiful means to be yourself.

You don’t need to be accepted by others.

You need to accept yourself."

~Thich Nhat Hanh