Prepping for the Big Three-Oh

So. In just six short months, I will be (shhh) thirty. And I've been telling my husband and everyone: "OH! Thirty is SO YOUNG!" and "Age is nothing!" and telling myself that thirty won't effect me because I still look young (staying out of the sun and Asian genes have helped) and I'm healthy (thanks to vegetarianism) and I'm in a great place in my life (so happy, tra la la). I will have my MBA next year. My husband is still my best friend. I have a great job. I have awesome friends and family.

Whatthefuckever.

I can feel, deep in my gut, the ticklings of panic.

I

will

be

30

And now I'm telling myself that by thirty I should have done so much more with my life. I should already be published. I should already be making six figures. I should own a home. I should have a super fit fantastic body.

Obviously it's goal setting time. Here are four things I want to accomplish next year, not necessarily by the time I hit thirty, but before I'm thirty-one (i.e., absolutely ancient <--- I'm totally kidding. I think).

Goal 1:
Get a new job. I enjoy the job I have now. I love my coworkers and I feel valued in my workplace as someone who is reliable and competent. But I've been there since 2002 and it's time to move on. It's time to expand my knowledge and hopefully my paycheck.

Goal 2:
Get a new body. I enjoy the body I have now. It is cute and fun and gets me from A to B. But now, I need to have a rocking body because, let's face it, it may now begin the period of loosening and sagging that comes with my age. I don't want to have a young looking face and a crap body. So this means I've got to commit to controlling my portions and working out. A lot. I can do it.

Goal 3:
Get published. I always talk about blah-blah-be-a-writer and blah-blah-be-famous and guess what? That shit ain't gonna happen unless I a) write and b) submit it for publication. I'm not saying I want to have a fucking NOVEL done by next year, but I do need to heft up my portfolio and COMMIT to writing. Less TV, more reading and writing.

Goal 4:
Save more money. I don't want to buy a house necessarily but I do want to have gobs and gobs of money in savings that I can take lavish vacations, feel safe, and whenever I feel like it, buy a house.

Like all control freak, OCD, type A personalities, setting goals and making lists makes me feel as though I have a handle on my fate. I can make anything happen if I just work hard enough. And if there is one thing I know in life, it's how to work hard for things that I want.

Food Revolution

Are you IN?



The new season of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution just started; he's in LA and he is being fought hard. I can not wait to see what happens. Will he be granted access to the lunch rooms by the LA school district? Will he start to get some more community support? I certainly hope so. I actually thought (using the exact science of stereotypes) that the California people of LA would be really into Jamie's movement but so far I don't think they really are. In the first episode he wanted to have a big rally and about 50 people showed up. Ouch.

But that's okay, Jamie. I support you. And I want all of you to support him too. Jamie is trying to get healthier food into the schools and healthy habits taught at home. I love his approach because he makes it all about good whole foods -- no fad diet crazes or hip foodie ideas -- just good, old fashioned, natural food. And he wants to start with the youth so they can be set up for a lifetime of success. Of course, starting with the youth means you also need to get to the parents and show them the way to help their kids be successful. It's a win win for everyone.

It's no surprise that obesity rates are on the rise, in both children and adults, but most dramatic of all has been the rise in childhood obesity -- from around 5% in the late 70s, to nearly 20% in 2008. Most importantly, nearly all those obese children will carry that obesity over into adulthood. And those obese adults are contributing to the drastic rise in the weight of the US. Check out these maps to see the changes in our health as a nation just over my lifetime.

When I was 2 years old ...

and now I'm 10 years old

Graduating from high school



Most current data

Wow. What happened to all the blue? No wonder Jamie Oliver wants to make changes. One of the biggest problems is that obesity is a disease but in America we don't treat it like one. Obesity seems to get this strange red-headed stepchild treatment, like we can't talk about it seriously because we don't want to insult anyone by saying "you're fat" but that's the truth. America: YOU ARE FAT. I suppose this has to do with the element of CHOICE involved with obesity -- but in my opinion when the entire nation is struggling with obesity it's no longer *just* about choice. These individuals have grown up in unhealthy households and been exposed to lethal food choices. These bad habits are passed down from generation to generation and become ingrained ... like brainwashing. It's a difficult issue, too, because there's a fine line between healthy and eating disordered (and when I say eating "disordered" I mean both overeating and undereating). We have a small percentage of ridiculously skinny people -- most of them probably eating unhealthily as well -- and a large percentage of, let's be honest, fat people who are also not eating healthy. Obesity is an indicator of the messed up American psyche about food. It's also a difficult issue because people DO have to eat, unlike other abused substances, eating is an essential function. And that's why it's so unfortunate that it's become incredibly warped.

This is why I think Jamie's approach is so brilliant. It's not entirely about weight: IT'S ABOUT HEALTH. And isn't that what we want? We want a healthy, happy nation of people that can work hard, ride bikes with their kids, kids that can climb trees, outrun wild dogs, and all that. If there were an emergency where we had to RUN to live, we would all die. It's time to stop being politely silent and encourage everyone (ourselves included) to stop killing ourselves with FOOD and get healthy.

I'm challenging myself; I want to lose 30 pounds, but I'm going to get there with lots of exercise and healthy food choices. No more days of fasting, no more two day liquid cleanses, just healthy eating. Doesn't mean I won't have a day where I make the wrong food decision and that I won't want to not eat for the entire next day to punish myself -- but there it is, my proclamation of health and wellness.

Now you should make your own proclamation and sign the petition.

Check out these sites for more information:
Center for Disease Control
Obesity Data Trends
F as in Fat
Blueprint for a Healthier America

But there's some good news for Utah here.

Make the change!

That Old Bandwagon

I truly wish that I was one of those people. The people that watch what they eat naturally, like breathing. The people that can, within reason, eat whatever they want, because, you see, these people don't ever want to eat an entire FAMILY SIZE bag of salsa Sunchips. They don't ever need to eat an entire box of pasta and sauce. They can stop after, say, a small helping. I am not one of those people. I am the person who has self control -- and only by sheer willpower -- have I not continued to balloon up throughout the passing years.

I almost did, I almost became a hefty girl after my first year of marriage. But since then I have been losing weight every year. Not this year. I've been eating whatever I like. Cafe Rio, Noodles & Company, sugar cookies, donuts, potato salad, pasta salad, pie, funeral potatoes, and on and on. I like to blame it on my transition at work from swing shift (2PM to 10:30PM) to days (a blissful 6AM to 2:30PM). But really. I think I was just sick of trying. I stopped going to the gym, and opted for ballet instead. I stopped being hungry, and opted for indulgence instead. The unfortunate thing is that I'm too vain and too in favor of beautiful clothing and a beautiful body to let it all go truly to hell. And I can't be satisfied with being a bit tubby. To the normal person, I look pretty small, I'll be honest. And I'm not afraid to tell you that I know that the majority of my weight loss is purely superficial. But I have dreams about wearing whatever I want without worrying about bulges/tugs/wrinkles. And I dream about dancing with lovely lines and slender limbs. I want to run and run like the wind is chasing me until the ends of the earth.

So while I've taken a temporary hiatus ... those desires win out and I'm back on the bandwagon again. All the things I hate have resumed a prominent place in my life. Apples for lunch, all day fasts, vegetable dinner. And I don't want to hear anything about how starvation is bad for you, or about how you should eat like this or that. I know what works for me. I just have to start doing it again. As someone who loves to overindulge from time to time, I have to punish myself so that the excess doesn't catch up with my waistline. Stay posted. That elusive goal is still out there. Check out the Going Down page if you want to see my progress. If you don't, I'll try to keep the fatty posts to a minimum. And anyone who wants to join me in my trials, feel free. Misery loves company. Bwahaha.

Down to Business

I have a confession -- and I am telling it to the world because that makes it more REAL.

The week before December I weighed 114 pounds. I now weigh 127. That's right; 1-2-7. Eee gads. 13 pounds in 4.5 months.

Friends, it's time. I am 5' tall, which means I should weigh, ideally, 100 pounds.

Ahh, 100. This is a goal that I have been striving towards for many many years. During my first year of marriage I gained about 25 pounds, making me tip the scales at nearly (gasp!) 150. I don't think I actually ever hit 150, but I was teetering right on the edge. Now is the NOW. No more procrastination. No more excuses. I was getting so close last year and now I have thrown it down the dumper. But, that's okay. I just have to get back on track. Since I hit the point of no return (size 10 pants), I have been steadily losing weight every year, with an occasional small bump of 5 pounds during the winter holidays. Every year I would say goodbye to the 140s or the 130s and I THOUGHT that last year was the last time I would ever see myself in the 120s. Apparently not. But like I said, I'm not going to become disheartened or hate or pity myself. I have a new job with a fixed schedule and am out of excuses completely. Here is my plan:

Weigh 100 pounds and then cut my hair.

Workout at least 1 hour a day.

Wear the size 00 dress I bought at White House Black Market to a summer party.

Wear a bikini to the beach ... with other people present.

Wear a romper and look fabulous.

My hair is currently down to my butt crack. I am going to cut it to my chin ... when I weigh 100 pounds. Why am I teling you all this? Well, I want your help. I mean, don't we work harder when we have to report our progress to someone? Isn't that why we have a boss? Be my boss, okay? Everyday I will post the previous days' eats, weight, and activities -- look for it under "Going Down" (a separate page I made for my weightloss falala). That's where I think I'll also post some pics of me in my leotard (promise not to laugh at my Asian legs) for before and after reasons. And maybe I'll post my measurements. But for sure, every day, like clockwork, I will post what I ate, what I weighed, and what exercise I did. You don't really need to do anything other than be my confessional. It pays zero dollars per hour.

I'll still be posting my normal blah blah about whatever, so if that's what you come for, you'll still get a dose of that -- perhaps you can just skip over the weight stuff if that's not your thing. To be honest, it's not really my thing either; (I sometimes hate reading/hearing about other peoples' weightloss journeys) I'm much more into parties with food or dinner dates or co-worker potlucks -- but looking fabulous IS my thing and that's my goal.

Super Sucky

Diets suck.

I am hungry and would really enjoy a HUGE cinnamon roll.

One as big as my head.

(It just about killed me to find this picture.)

Sigh...

But when I think about that I have to remember how much I hate my

tubby belly and

flabby thighs and

mushy arms and

cellulite bottom and

fatty back.

Here's my eating schedule for the day. Please, share in my pain.

9:30 am: Apple

@ Noon: Noodle Soup

2:30 pm: Strawberry and Banana Crisps

5:00 pm: Veggie Sushi Roll

And I have ballet tonight and a weigh-in Friday morning so no more eating after that.

This sucks; I'm already hungry.

It's worth it, though, right?

Right?

Not "New Year's" Goals

I want to TRY and do some things this year. They are not goals. I refuse to call them a goal because then I will inevitably fail because I will place the "goals" on the shelf of "tomorrow" and never complete them. Like last year. Plus, I think when you make it a goal you make it a job. And I already have one of those. These are more like self-improvement, make-yourself-more-interesting-to-yourself things. I call them things, not goals.

So in order to prevent hate and loathing of self, here are the THINGS ...

Become a ballerina again
Find a suitable penpal
Write a lot
Cook more
Eat less
Go running
Get promoted
Get into graduate school
Learn to play the cello -- cellos are awfully sexy

Rebellion

That is it.

I am officially done (for this week, at least) with going to the gym. I feel like being lazy and lazing about the bedroom. We're leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday and I just don't feel like working out. When we get home, I'll do better. I'll go every morning and eat right and shape up. But for the rest of this week, exercise is persona non grata. Don't worry -- I'm not giving up -- but weeks and weeks of working out as well as weeks and weeks of a stagnant scale piss me off. So before I hate myself completely, it's time for some r and r.

Bodies Are Stupid

Dear Body:

Lately, I hate you.

You make me sad.

Why have you stopped doing what I say?

Please get with the program - or I will ditch you

and find a new.

Half a Pound

Dammit.

I gained half a pound this week.

I think I celebrated my good fortune too soon.

Now I must punish myself in preparation for next week.

Dammit.

Sweet Smell

Ta da! I did it. I have, for 8 consecutive weeks, lost 1.5 lbs every week - equaling a grand total of 12 lbs. Yay! And, the best part, I am now the proud owner of $33 that I didn't have before. It's like someone paid me to lose weight and look better. Who can beat that? I love this weekly weigh-in thing. And I guess it's a good thing because I'm doing another 8 week-long contest with my work friends.

Starting right now.

Go.

Hungry Hippo

I am fucking starving.

A hole from my stomach to the outside world is slowly occurring.

I hate myself right now.

Food Network

One night we're watching Comedy Central and there's a comic on and he's talking about dieting. And he mentions that when you're on a diet Food Network is like PORN. At the time, I laughed. Ha ha - so true, right?

Okay, you don't know how fucking true it is until you're averaging around 700 calories per day. PER DAY people. And no, I don't want to hear about how "that isn't enough to eat" and blah blah blah. My body and I have been frienemies for many years and I know what I need to kick my own fat ass out the proverbial door.

I love Food Network. I mean, I have always loved it because I love to cook and I love food but now it is seriously out of control. When Giada makes yummy eggplant parmesan with crusty garlic bread - I am totally glued to the screen. When Rachel Ray makes mac and cheese - I die inside with craving. My family is getting sick of Food Network being on all the time. They ask me things like "Why do you torture yourself like this?" or "You don't even cook" or "This is so boring" and so on.

Friends. I torture myself because I'm dieting so I'm always torturing myself. I don't cook because cooking veggies sucks ass. Food Network is not boring - it is keeping me from going insane. I'm logging away all the recipes and tricks so that when I'm finally off my stupid diet I can enjoy life like a regular person. I will cook. I will eat delicious food. End of story.

Eat With Me

I'm doing ANOTHER 8 week long weekly weigh-in competition with my friends at work. Gag me. Here's what I'm eating:

• 3 Eggs
• 1 Slice of 45 Calorie Whole-Grain Bread
• 1 Slice of Cheese
• 1 Fruit
• 1 Sugar-Free Pudding
• 1 Vegetable
• Southwestern Style Veggie Soup

God, I'm going to hate my life for the next 8 weeks. Well, my food life, that is.

On the plus side, I didn't have to pay $100. Yay!

Back in the Saddle

A few months ago me and some friends at work were having a weekly weigh-in to help motivate us all to lose a certain number of pounds by a certain day. If you didn't lose your 2 pounds for the week, you paid $10. The contest went on for 8 weeks. Uh, needless to say, it cost me a lot of money. In order to help us maintain our weight loss we decided that we would have a re-weigh-in on September 15th. The rules are: be within 5 pounds of your last weight or pay $100. I've been lucky, because I went to China and China gave me a lovely little case of (excuse me) diarrhea. Ever since my return, I've been able to get away with eating a lot of shit that I don't normally indulge in.

Well, NO MORE!

I hate to say it, but it's time to get serious. I'm right around the 6 pound gain mark, so even though I only need to lose a little to avoid the charge, I'd like to be below what I was at the end of our prior contest. Friends, the time is NOW - I've got about 1 month to go to the gym daily, eat less, and drink a lot of coffee. Viva my $100!

Sunday Mornings

Sunday mornings should be reserved for specific things.

1. waking when one wants
2. writing and/or reading
3. watching the Sunday news shows
4. eating brunch

My last 8 Sundays have been awful. I have been doing this weight contest thing with my friends at work. I hate it. Originally meant to help inspire us all to lose a specific amount of weight (first 3 pounds and then 2 pounds each week) it has become a dreaded Sunday event. Sunday is weigh day. The day I get to show all my friends just how weak and pathetic I am. I have paid (oh yes, we pay if we don't make the weight) around 70 (that's SEVENTY) dollars - in cash. I am sick to death of not being able to enjoy a Sunday morning with Tom. Because the weigh-in is at work, I can't eat all day. It sounds as awful as it is. No more eggs, no more coffee, no more yummy muffins. Just air. I can't even drink a fucking Diet Coke. The whole situation is just pissing me off. Praise Jesus that today is the last one. Finito. I am done.