Upcoming

I have several projects in the works. I hope I can make them ALL come to fruition, not typical Johanna fashion where it's half started, half finished, forgotten.

*Number 1*
Ladylike Ladies Night
A party with ladies in which we will visit the UMFA, have a classy dinner, finishing with card playing and cocktails at my place. Do you think it's too much to ask guests to wear gloves, a day hat, and a long skirt -- a la Downton Abbey?

*Number 2*
Christmas Preparedness!
I am notoriously horrible at preparing for Christmas -- SO this year I am all about the online shopping. I already have several items waiting in my cart, to be ordered en masse (EARLY mind you) and then I can spend weeks beautifully gift wrapping presents for loved ones. I also am making my papa a blanket for Christmas so I've promised myself I will devote Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday evenings to working on it. Don't forget decorations: they'll be up by the 1st! I have the entire last week of November (after the Thanksgiving madness) to purchase and decorate. Ta da.

*Number 3*
Etsy Shop
This may take me a little longer ... and I'm allowing myself to say that this project might bleed into next year ... but I am starting an Etsy shop! The shop will have beautiful doodles of flowers hand-doodled by moi and then made unique and beautiful with watercolors. I will have stationery, personalization available, and wall art. I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm very excited to see if anything sells. My MBA program is robbing me of all creativity; gotta amp up the left side of my brain.

*Number 4*
Fabulous Holiday Party
Nothing says fun like the holidays. So of course you must have a fabulous party. I want to have lots of embarassing games, and I know white elephant can be so lame, but with my group of friends I think it will be hilarious. Good food, lots of drinks, and warm company. Love it. Just what everyone needs to survive the Christmas season.

Happy Halloween

@ the costume party.
We won.
Obviously.
Who doesn't need some cynical Fight Club for Halloween?

"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake."

Random

• My friend Kitty Kat posted this on my wall tonight. Why? No idea.
  
  
• 

  Kat 

  When you go to the delicatessen store,
  Don't buy the liverwurst,
  Don't buy the liverwurst.
  I repeat what I just said before,
  Don't buy the liverwurst,
  Don't buy the liverwurst.
  
  Oh buy the corned beef if you must,
  The pickled herring you can trust,
  And the lox puts you in orbit A-OK.
  But that big hunk of liverwurst
  Has been there since October First,
  And today is the Twenty-Third of May!
  
  So when you go to the delicatessen store,
  Don't buy the liverwurst,
  Don't buy the liverwurst.
  It'll make your insides awfully sore!
  Don't buy the liverwurst.
  Don't buy the liverwurst!

  26 minutes ago ·  ·  · See Friendship

  • • 

      Kat I seem to remember slightly different lyrics...

      25 minutes ago · 
    • 

      Johanna This is the most random thing ever. Ever. I'm going to blog this.

      about a minute ago · 

Grumpy Gills

SO.
I started my period yesterday and it turned me into a mean monster.

Usually my time of the month comes and goes with nothing more than a slight disruptance in my love life. I tend to be tired and a generic cloud of ennui follows me around. But I have noticed that when I'm not eating much and exercising hard (like I am now), the hormonal changes seem to effect me more.

The morning started out with cramps but I managed to do my hour of cardio okay. Oh but wait -- mid-workout I had to make an emergency trip to the bathroom because I had begun menstruating which jumpstarted a day filled with things that annoyed me.

• the movie theatre was cold
• my husband kept getting up to pee during the movie -- a record THREE times
• I didn't/shouldn't/couldn't get fries at In N Out
• Target no longer carries the pet carpet cleaner I like
• I was hungry all day
• when we laid down to take a nap, the puppy kept making a throw up noise
• which made me have to take the puppy outside but not before she threw up on the carpet
• and I have no good pet carpet cleaner (see item four)
• friends came over for the basketball finals ... enough said
• friends brought over red wine which I don't like
• on period and couldn't have sex
• didn't sleep well; had a crick in my neck

And now it's morning. I'm at work. I'm feeling better. But man oh man. Yesterday was one of those days when I should have just quarantined myself away from all humans and read a book. I hated everything and everything pissed me off. Thank all the gods my husband is understanding and has a sense of humor. Before our nap he told the puppy: "you and mom have one thing in common: you're both bitches."

And I actually laughed a little before I rolled my eyes and kept being one.

Sometimes it's therapeutic to be a bitch.

Image

Out on the Town

Time to party with the friends I love.

Time to max out my hair.

Time to make up my face.

Time to slink into a little dress.

Time to dance and dance until the sun comes up.

"Good morning midnight

Hello again

If I don't close my eyes

Days never end."

The Youth List

Things I will do today to keep me young for tomorrow:

1. Sleep on my back
2. Moisturize
3. Drink half my weight in ounces of water
4. Hug my puppy
5. Love my husband
6. Eat an apple
7. Read a good book
8. Gab and cackle with my friends
9. Organize my time
10. Forgive my shortcomings
11. Drive fast with the radio loud
12. Wear sunglasses
13. Laugh heartily at anything I find funny
14. Take a nap and then go to the gym
15. Sing show tunes
16. Brush and floss my teeth
17. Daydream

Reasons Not to Get Drunk with Friends at Your Own House

1. Your husband and friend will try to "keep up" with each other, leading to the intake of copious amounts of alcohol.
2. Your friend will pee in the bathroom -- but misses the toilet and hits the surrounding floor instead.
3. You yell and make your husband and friend clean up the mess.
4. But they're too drunk to clean up pee; they just keep trying to put paper towels in the toilet bowl, or yelling that you're being a bitch, or claiming that they didn't pee all over the floor, or your husband will yell out your name when the friend gets pee on his arm -- because said friend is gesturing his hand, which is holding pee-paper-towels, angrily at you.
5. You end up cleaning the pee, removing the rug, and the scale.
6. You come out of the bathroom and find them attempting to wrestle in the teeny living room.
7. You yell (again) and ban them to the backyard if they want to "fucking wrestle."
8. The dog will keep barking and growling so you head out to bring her inside ... and to find out if they are dead. No, they are not dead. Instead, they both have dog shit on their pants. And your husband has a grass burn on his forehead from his friend shoving his face into the lawn.
9. You clap your hands to get their attention, and then yell (again), "Get the fuck up. You both have dog shit on your fucking pants" or something like that. And as they slowly come to this realization, they wander up to the house where you ask them to remove their pants. And the friend leaves on his bicycle; he probably hates you. And your husband takes a nap, apologizing and promising never to do that again.

Disclaimer: I know this story makes me sound semi-trashy.
I promise, I am not; hence all the yelling and saying of "fuck."
This was a random World Cup rumpus that will not occur again in my lifetime.
At least let's hope not.

Puppy Party Planning

The puppy will be turning ONE on July 17th.

And, of course, we're throwing a birthday party.

The only problem with throwing a party is that it requires me to plan it.

I have yet to pick a park,

pick a time, 

invite people,

choose food,

and get a dog-friendly birthday cake.

But at least her one year old pictures are taken care of.

Photo by J&J Wright

(My very good friends)

Isn't she a little love bug?

Where O Where

Where have I been? Well, I've been busy. As you know, my birthday was Monday the 19th. Here's what's happened since:

• Shopping excursion with Mr. Tom which resulted in some great finds for him and me, most especially, my nude heels. Ultra fab.
• Bad headache which made me miss ballet.
• Discovered a yummy Thai restaurant close to home.
• Learned my new job ... which I love.
• Got a mani-pedi. The pedicure was great, as always; I won't be getting a manicure again. Apparently I hate it when other people work on my hands. Weird.
• Went to Cass's and Michael's wedding, which was beautiful.
• Went to a birthday party.
• Went to lunch @ Thaifoon with my sister-in-law. Yum-O.
• Bought the most wonderful headband.
• Mom made me a yummy birthday dinner and cake.
• The Cowboy Brothers came in 1st on Amazing Race.
• I bought a pink iron.
• The puppy barked at the ironing board. Hilarious.

And now I'm busy with work and finding a new apartment. Where does time go?

Getting What You Want

Yeah, let's talk about being happy. Let's talk about what it means to "get what you want" and the struggle to get. Let's talk about materialism, in all its glory, and let's talk about the meaning of life.

I will open the discussion.

I ate expired soup today. Why was it expired? I have no idea -- apparently when you stuff your face with anything and everything for a two month period you skip over 100 calorie soup. Then it just sits in your pantry and goes bad. But I ate the soup, and I ate it with the looming date of November 29th 2009 heavy in my belly, and I started thinking about my life. I have so much food in my house that we literally NEVER run out. Even when we have "nothing to eat" there is PLENTY to eat. Plenty. This abundance of food makes me ponder the relevance of being on a diet, because to me, being on a diet is essentially waste. I eat smaller portions, true, but I also have to let rampant amounts of food go bad because I just didn't have the caloric allowance to eat that cantaloupe or eggplant or cheese pizza. And apparently, 100 calorie soup.

What is the point of dieting, anyway? I'm a small person. I look fairly decent clothed and not too scary naked. But to our current society "being on a diet" is like saying "I'm cool." Because it means you have self control and a life good enough that you can complain about eating TOO much. And in my mind dieting is synonymous with materialism. Even though you're doing the exact opposite (saying "no more" as opposed to gathering more and more objects) you are showing a certain lavishness, a certain type of fabulosity that only translates to being thin=more clothes=fashionable. It's a strange cycle that in a natural world could not exist but we live in a world with 9 year old twinkies and cheese from a can and diabolical corn breakdowns.

I'll tell you why I diet. Because I want to be thin and because I want to be healthy. Way healthier than is really necessary for my desk job, but nevertheless, I strive towards seeing a beautiful model-thin self in the mirror. This is not to say that I'm not happy with myself; I am. I'm truly thrilled with the way I turned out. I was a very insecure tween but somehow I blossomed and never looked back. I learned at a young age that mistakes were forgivable and that changes could be made and you could rise triumphant as whatever you wanted. I accept my flaws as challenges -- something to continuously strive to make better. And also, something to laugh about with my friends and commiserate with them. Flaws, after all, make us human and not divine. Who wants to be perfect? It's probably dreadfully boring. What do you DO each day if you can't work towards a better life and a better self? And it's fun to use your inner-eye and speculate on the future; the future can't be different or better if everything is already Utopian.

But when does the "fun" striving-for-change switch to "my life isn't good enough" and crushing waves of inadequacy? I'm not really sure. I'll be sure to let you all know when I get there. But I can see how it is easy to start thinking more about the getting and not about the here and now. Life, to me, is a two act play happening simultaneously. Act One is now, Act Two is the future. You can't enjoy the story, the journey, the plot, unless you watch Act One -- because otherwise you won't know what the fuck is going on. You won't know the characters, you won't understand their development, you won't, basically, like the show. And if the show is YOUR LIFE ... don't you want to like it? So in order to like it you've got to watch Act One.

My Act One consists of struggling with my weight and my puppy and my marriage and ballet and my career and my family and my mind and my writing and ... so many things. But. The point is -- I'm enjoying the NOW and looking forward to the future, the impossibly bright and hopeful future that will be everything it's supposed to be if I can just sit still through Act One. So I'm not going to become too bogged down by my inadequacies, and I'm not going to obsess too much about the sugar cookie I ate for breakfast yesterday, and I'm not going to worry about the job I don't have and the money I don't make, and I'm not going to stress about the people that don't like me.

Scarlett said it best: "I'll think about that tomorrow."

And today I'll think about all the good things in my life:

A family I love,

My husband and best friend rolled into one,

A puppy to cuddle,

Friends I can rely on,

New challenges,

And a full pantry.

Where is My Avis?

I wish I had a penpal.

When I was younger I was a TERRIBLE penpal. But now I'm grown and I think I would enjoy the old fashoned-ness of it. I have a typewriter that my husband has tried to throw away several times. But I continue to protest. I cite here my many uses:

Poetry comes out better on a typewriter

I enjoy the hum of the motor ... or whatever makes an electric typewriter run

I like the deliberate process of typing on the keys
I like the crooked letters

I like to press the shift key

If I had a penpal, I could write lovely letters and then sign my name at the bottom. In pen.

Typing on a computer is not the same. You can backspace, you can type nearly as fast as your thought process, you can delete entire sections and paste them somewhere else. When you type on a typewriter you think hard. You can't just spit out pages and pages of garbage because a: you're slow, garbage doesn't come out AS MUCH when you're typing slower and b: that would be a waste of trees. My granny had a typewriter and I would practice typing on it, playing secretary when I was stuck at her house for weeks at a time during my summers off of school. When Grandpa died and I found his old blue typewriter, I lunged for it. Old Blue comes in its own carrying case. It smells dusty and delicious, like thoughts and fingers and years of words. How could I ever throw it out?

But I should take advantage of it. I really just need to plug it in and start writing letters. Just boring stuff, the day to day of life. In Jane Austen's time letter writing was like an Olympic sport. It's time for me to participate. I'm going to pick a random address in some nice town in Anywhere, USA and mail a letter. I will describe myself and tell my new friend that I am searching for my own Avis. If they want to be my Avis, all they need do is respond. Avis was Julia Child's penpal. She accidentally mailed a letter to her and they started corresponding. They became such good friends; Avis was the one who helped Mastering the Art of French Cooking get published. The best thing about a penpal is the waiting. Waiting by the mailbox in hopes of a letter coming. And getting to know someone a little at a time. I tend to get so excited when I meet someone that I just go BLAH and tell them everything about me in two point eight seconds. Then I become the bore I really am and they don't want to talk to me ever again. With a penpal, you have to go slow and they probably won't find out what a snooze I am for at least a year. Wow. I am so excited. Now, I know that it will probably take several tries before I receive a response and actually GET a penpal. But this is as good a start as any.

Next, I'm going to work at bringing back formal dinner parties. Who's with me?

Making This

I'm going to make this lovely:

Mexican Souffle
6 large eggs
8 0z. sour cream
1 cup salsa
1 cup cheese (your preference)

Preheat oven to 375

Take out your 9-inch dish -- like a pie plate
Cover the bottom with salsa
Sprinkle cheese on salsa -- like a lot
In a separate bowl, beat the eggs ferociously with the sour cream
Pour the egg/sour cream goo over the top
Bake for 45-50 minutes until yummy (or middle is firm)

Supposedly this is delicioso. I will have to try it out and and see. I like all the ingredients: eggs, salsa, cheese, sour cream; so I should like the finished product. Of course, I should be making it this Sunday, but we're going out to brunch with my best friend from work, Jen. @ Mimi's. Our favorite. So perhaps next Sunday. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

The laundry is complete and put away.

Curious Indeed

I have now seen 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.' And I can sum up the movie in a few words: (don't worry, I won't give anything away) Brad Pitt is good. Cate Blanchett is better. The beginning feels long. The end is beautiful.

I think it's worth it to go see, despite the length. The message (or theme or lesson or whatever you want to call it) of the film seems to be that love is an experience worth having, regardless of the end, regardless of pain, regardless of circumstance, regardless of selfishness. In order to have a full and happy life, we need to open up to new experiences and new people so that we can learn more about ourselves and die, if not necessarily "happy," at least content that we lived life and loved many.

Ring Ring

Remember the game "Telephone?" You know, where you say something to the person next to you and then it gets whispered around the room and at the end everyone laughs at how much the sentence "I went to the store" turns into "I think you're a whore." Hardy har har.

Yeah, not so much funny as an adult.

I know that gossip is an inevitability. Everyone does it, even those who are the carriers of best intentions. But the problem with gossip is that the only way to stop it, is to STOP IT. Being someone in the chain of misinformation doesn't help the situation -- so the only thing one can do is just hang up the telephone. No chances to right wrongs, no chances to correct any missaid or misconstrued sentences. You just have to be upright and honest and stop.

As a young teenage girl, I totally had a problem with gossip. I loved it; loved to spread it around, loved to hear it, I had to 'know' everything about everybody. But as I matured through my school years, I put it aside. I preferred honest interactions that were uncluttered by unobserved nuances of who or what a person did or didn't do. This isn't to say that I became perfect, I enjoyed (and sometimes still enjoy) a juicy tidbit of information. I'm just saying that when it came to my dear friends, people I truly cared about, I dropped garbagy gossip at the door.

And the thing I hate the most is people who haven't done the same. It isn't 'fun' anymore to play Telephone. The differences get bigger and bigger as the chain gets longer and longer, but it isn't about who wore what wrong color on that particular day, but rather, people's lives and feelings. Entire friendships can be lost on a split-second misheard or misunderstood phrase. Maybe for some people the excitement is worth it, but not for me. So here is my apology to everyone in the world that was ever hurt by gossip; said by anyone, anywhere.

I'm sorry.

Out and About

Lots of goings on at our house today:

• Lunch with college roommate
• Niece's birthday get-together
• Dinner with out-of-town childhood friend
• Late-night flick with work buddies

Hopefully I will have time for a quick cat nap...Tom asked me why I booked so much stuff on one day -- but honestly, everything just sort of fell into place this way. It will be a day of catching up with loved ones, gossip, reminiscing, and fun. What better way to spend the day?

Farewell 2008

You were a great year:

I graduated from college.
I moved to China.
I moved home again.
I resigned from my job.
I was rehired.
I lost 15 pounds.
My mother regained her health.
My family became closer.
My friends became more dear.
My marriage became stronger.
I was brave.
I took chances.
I gained wisdom.
I'm ready for a new year, new challenge, new life.
So goodbye last year.
I loved our time together.

Give Thanks

I live my life at a semi-whirlwind pace...when I'm not napping.

But life is not going by so fast that I do not

pause

to breathe

and give thanks -

For my mother's life,

My father's love,

My brother's giggle,

The ability to be myself,

A magical marriage,

Friends and family,

Wit and wisdom,

And a beautiful world.

31st

Hopefully today won't be too boring

As I am wearing a beautiful Antoinette-esque dress my friend made.

People at work are dressing up, but not the

People I work with - although my manager will.

Yay! for the end of October. I'm

Happy that the month is

At an end. It marks the

Loveliness of November;

Leaves crunching

On the ground and

Windows frosted over.

Everyone will meet with loved ones and
Eat for Thanksgiving. Yes,

November is much better than October.

You're Missing Out

It's Wednesday and it's time for a dinner with friends. And we find out that, sadly, our friend who was supposed to be going in the Peace Corps and flying away to Africa to save the world in November, found out that she is now a "no-go."

What the fuck, Peace Corps? What is your problem? If you were a person I would speak to you like a child and then yell at you. Then, perhaps I would spit.

You see, about a year or two ago Tom and I tried to go into the Peace Corps to China - and they told us no. And I would like to say that I hate them now, but I know that just comes from the anger at being rejected.

What better than to be a volunteer; spreading the goodwill (the best part) of the United States? Being able to indulge in cultural exchanges and just be your wonderful self and meet other wonderful selves and at the end of the two years you get $6000, non-competitive job eligibility, and a great add-on to the resume.

I'm sad for our friend - but you know what, it's the Peace Corps who should be sad. They are missing out on fabulous volunteers; smart, funny, witty, open-minded, and hard working. Missing out.

Social Life

I'm booked. If you want to hang out or see a movie or talk to me on the phone, you better make an appointment. My love-ing husband has scheduled some sort of something on my weekend (that's Wednesday/Thursday) for the next 3 weeks.
Wow. We almost never have anything to do because my days off suck ass. Maybe the world is starting to revolve around my weekend...