Watched While Ill

So sickly.

Stayed home from work.

In delirium, watched two of my favorite movies in hopes of soothing my ravaged head.

Emma.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd"

Rachel Getting Married

Whilst bedridden, I watched Rachel Getting Married again.

It left me pondering and full of feeling ... feeling sad yet hopeful.

And in awe at the beautiful disaster that is life.

My favorite part? The groom's serenade vow.

The groom is mostly silent the entire film, despite the yelling and crying from everyone else.

A pillar in the storm.

And when everything has come to a head and nothing is resolved and life moves on ...

He sings:

She used to work in a diner

Never saw a woman look finer

I used to order just to watch her float across the floor

She grew up in a small town

Never put her roots down

Daddy always kept movin', so she did too

Somewhere on a desert highway

She rides a Harley-Davidson

Her long blonde hair flyin' in the wind

She's been runnin' half her life

The chrome and steel she rides

Collidin' with the very air she breathes

The air she breathes

His voice carries over the wedding guests.

Not loud, not even "good"

But that makes it better for some reason, truer somehow.

And that moment in the movie makes me feel all the power of life --

including love and hate and mistakes and regrets and perfect happiness.

All at once.

Because that's how life happens:

All at once.

Mucus, My Friend, My Enemy

Well friends. I am finally getting to the point where I can say, I'm better. I'm still coughing -- and that is gross -- but at least I'm not medicating myself up every 4 hours. This past illness experience has brought me to a revelation: human bodies are retarded.

In my imagination I think my head cold started with a simple irritant, like pollen or dust. In order to combat the irritant my body began to create a protective shield of mucus around my brain. The production of mucus grew and grew until my sinuses became infected and I wanted to die. Upon realizing that the mucus was causing the host (me) to lose the will to live, my body finally began to break up the mucus and allow me some respite from a heavy head. Then came the excessive drainage and nose blowing ... and I mean EXCESSIVE. I went through 2 boxes of kleenex and half a roll of toilet paper. My poor nose became chapped and red like a reindeer despite the fact that I'd been liberally applying aquaphor and neosporin and lotion. But it didn't do any good because about 2 minutes after applying the aquaphor/neosporin/lotion I would have to blow my fucking nose again. And you all know how much I hate to blow my nose, so much, in fact, that I nearly-never-ever blow it. Yet every morning this week I have woken up around 5 am to blow my nose some more. Of course, now I have a cough because the mucus has drained into my lungs and, surprsingly, my lungs don't enjoy mucus, they enjoy air. So I am forced to cough and cough and clear my throat all day long.

Son of a bitch.

What kind of sense does this make, body? Can't you just make the approriate amount of protective mucus and then let me go on my merry way? I don't mind being a little stuffy, but let's not let things get out of control like this again. I know that you, body, are a mark of evolutionary wonder and that I should be grateful for all the things you allow me to do. And I am. But let's not get sick again for like 2 years. Or I will punch you in the face.

Starts With ...

It began on Thursday. My ear felt like I was traveling through the mountains. It needed to pop. The pressure was building. And all day I thought, this is weird. Why does my ear feel like this?

Then on Friday. My head was stuffed, practically exploding with mucus and whatever else it is that plugs brains and sinuses.

Then Saturday. Sleep sleep sleep and sitting around.

Today I'm a bit on the mend, feeling antsy and feeling like I need to go on a long walk to get rid of my restlessness. I hate this stage of illness; not quite well enough to be well but well enough to be sick of being sick. AND. All of the crap that's been stuffing my head is trying to come out ... and I don't blow my nose because I hate blowing my nose. Eww.

Survival

Tips on surviving Influenza A Virus Subtype H1N1 (aka "the hated Swine Flu"):

1. Drink excessive fluids
2. Watch documentaries on Netflix
3. Sleep
4. Don't leave the bed for 3 days
5. Take up virtual farming
6. Eat liquids only

Hairbrushing

This is how you know someone loves you.

You have the swine flu. You've been sick and fevery. He's been sitting on the floor of the bathroom with you while you wait to throw up in the toilet because you've already thrown up in the garbage can twice and you feel bad making him carry out your vomit. He gets you whatever you want, lets you sleep all day long, turns the air conditioning on and off and on again, reminds you to drink lots of water. He understands when you don't answer his question 'are you going to throw up?' because he knows you're about to and can't speak. When you finally do throw up, he rubs your back and keeps your hair out of the garbage can telling you 'it's okay' and telling you 'it's no problem' when you keep saying sorry between gasping gags.

But best of all. When the horrible day is over and you are finally starting to feel better, he offers to brush your hair.

Cough Cough

Tom is sick.

He is coughing a lot -

all night long and a lot.

He coughs really hard,

as though one cough

could be the last cough.

I cough very gently,

as though I'm sickly,

because I feel sickly.

The two of us are quite a pair;

cuddling in bed

coughing in bed.

Sleepy Pants

I am feeling really sleepy.

Probably because we're starting to get sick,

I think.

I don't like being sick

because I rarely take a break when sick -

everything just gets shittier.

But I love all the

sleepy time

with

Tom.

I'm Not Sick

I never get sick. Like, almost never. But I think I may have a cold...which is really sad because I hate being sick because it never happens. And it's extra bad this time because the cold is mixed with my allergies and I can't tell where one begins and the other ends. I blame my recent fall in health to runny nosed kids, ill employees, and community mice. Hopefully I will not get too much sicker and will mend quickly. If not, I'm going to have to open a can of whoop ass on my nose.